Page 64 of Reconciling With the Rival

“I’m going to the ladies room,” I say to the table.

“We’ll join you,” Alissa says as Hads and Paige get up.

“Love, where are you going?” Oliver asks as he grabs her hand.

“To the bathroom.”

Oliver looks confused as Grant pats his shoulder. “Dude, you know they do this.”

“I just don't get it.”

“Me neither, mate. It feels like they’re leaving to talk shit about us all,” Leo says. It’s strange how well he fits in with the boys, and that causes me a ton of unease. I know in a couple of months, he’ll be out of the apartment and in his own space, but if he gets close with the guys, he’ll probably still be around.

I don’t know how I feel about that.

“Not all of you,” I tell them as I lock eyes with Leo. “Just you.”

I all but drag the girls to the restroom, and when we get in there and all three stalls are empty, I let out a breath.

I hear Hads lock the door, and they all turn to face me.

“What’s going on, Ells? You’ve looked weird all night,” Alissa asks me. Oh, fuck. There’s no way she knows what happened between me and Leo when she was gone, right?

“Yeah, and you didn't look as excited as you normally do when you sing with Grant,” Hads tells me. “It was still a great performance, but it was missing something.”

I dart my eyes to Paige where she leans against the counter.

“Ells, stop worrying about ruining the night if you say something.”

“I’m not. I—”

“If something is troubling you, we want to know, regardless of what we’re all doing here. You’re not stealing my thunder or whatever.” Paige grabs my hand, squeezing it once. “What’s going on?”

I didn't realize they noticed I wasn't fully myself tonight. I guess this shit is affecting me more than I thought. They must’ve seen my face when those texts came through.

No more hiding, I guess.

“My mom is back.”

All their faces drop. I’m not one to highlight all my shit, and none of them really know much about my childhood, other than the fact that my mom wasn't there.

Nobody knows how bad it actually was, how much I wish I could have had different cards dealt to me. I realized quickly as a kid I had to keep my family afloat, but that doesn't mean I liked it.

Ihadto do it. It only could’ve been me to fix everything, and I thought I did an okay job. But now that my mom is back and my sister wants to give her a chance, it feels unfair.

“For how long?” Hads asks.

“My sister told me last week that she contacted her.” I shake my head, trying to will the emotions I’m having to go the fuck away. This is Paige’s night. I can’t be crying about my own shit when we’re here to celebrate her.

But I need my girls. I need their comfort to try and navigate this, because I’m not doing a great job of it. For the first time ever, Ineedmy friends to help, and it feels good finally talking about this thing hanging over my head the past week.

“She texted me tonight that she wants to give her a chance.” I look down at my hands. “Am I a horrible person for not wanting to let my mom even try with me?”

“No, you’re not,” Paige says as she hugs me.

I let her arms drape around me as a few tears start to fall. Never have I felt so conflicted. I know in my heart who my mom really is, but I can’t stop my sister from wanting something from her. I wish I could because I know in the end, both of our hearts are going to be broken again.

Hers will be because of my mom, and mine will be because I couldn't protect my sister from the feelings I know come from trusting our mother.

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