Page 65 of Reconciling With the Rival

Paige pulls back from me, and I can only look between the three of them, unsure of what the hell I’m going to do.

“I don’t know what to do.” For the first time ever, I can’t decide if I should grin and bear it for my sister's sake, or if I should tell her how I really feel about our mother.

Either way crushes me.

“Maybe talk to Lizzie about it more, Ells. See what she wants to do, and maybe one dinner won’t kill you?” Hads says, and I know she’s trying to be helpful, but I don’t think she understands.

“Can you guys give Ella and I a minute?” Paige says to them.

“Take your time,” Hads tells us, shooting me a smile.

“I’ll get you a drink, Ells,” Alissa says, and I love her for it. She truly knows exactly what I need. I guess that’s what happens when you live with someone as long as we have.

The two of them leave the bathroom, and I’m glad there’s not a line forming outside of it. We did have the door locked, but most of the other tables have cleared out by now. The restaurant is still open for a few more hours, and the group of us are going to milk it as long as we can.

“Are you okay?” Paige asks me.

I’m not sure what to say. “Kind of.”

She takes a deep breath before speaking again. “You know, I started talking to my mom again.”

Her saying that shocks me. I knew eventually, Paige wanted to try again with her mom, but I didn't think it would be so soon. “Wow.”

“I was scared to give her another shot. When I reached out, I felt like a kid again, begging for attention from someone who didn't want to give me any.”

I understand that, in a way.

“But then she responded to me, told me she was willing to try.”

“Did you believe her?”

She nods her head. “I was weary at first. But she’s been texting me a lot and actually calling me first.”

Wow. “Did you tell her about your engagement?”

“I did. After you guys and Sadie, she was the person I called.” She smiles to herself. “She was really happy for me, and for the first time, it felt like I had a parent.”

A tear falls from my eyes. I know the feeling she’s describing. I never felt like I had any parents either. It all fell onto my shoulders since my dad was working so hard. I’m proud of him, but I still needed him. “I’m scared, Paige. What if she ends up walking away again? What if I get my hopes up, and it’s all for nothing?”

“You’re smart, Ella. You know her better than your sister does, but I think you’re nervous because you spent your entire life protecting her from the pain you felt.”

I know she’s right. That’s what’s getting me so worked up. I’m mad at Lizzie for wanting to give her a chance, but of course she would want to, considering she never saw the bad stuff. She never knew what it was like because she was so young. I shielded her, protected her because I didn't want to tell a young kid her mom left with no reason to give.

“Actions are better than words, Ells. Your mom can say she’s changed all she wants, but if there’s no action to back that up, you're right to not give her a chance. Just think about it, and if anything, do it for Lizzie. Not for you, but for her.”

“Thanks, P.”

“If you need anything, Ella, and I mean that, call me. I’m always here for you.”

“I know.”

She smiles at me, and suddenly, it feels like the sun is coming out after a rainy afternoon. I don’t know how she does it—remain positive and steady despite all she has been through.

“Now, can we go have dessert? I think we deserve a lot of ice cream and brownies tonight.”

Paige interlinks her arm with mine as I nod, and I feel a little lighter knowing I was able to talk it through with someone who understands how complicated families can get.

Even our own little found family is complicated, but I’m grateful for those still around me who can lift me up when I feel down.

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