I eventually run out of tissues and have to sneak to the bathroom to get more, and of course, when I leave my room, I run into Leo walking out of our shared bathroom. I hope he can’t notice my eyes or the dried tears still on my face.
I put my head down and walk past him.
His hand shoots out and grabs my arm. I don’t bother looking up at him when he speaks. “Is everything alright?”
“Mhm,” I lie. “Peachy.”
I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he lets go of my arm. I hate that I miss the small contact.
He says nothing as he walks back to his room.Thank God. The last thing I need to add to my stress is whatever feelings I’m having for him to bubble up even more. I’m counting on the fact that when he’s out of here, they’ll go away.
I tiptoe back to bed and get halfway under the covers before I feel another presence in my room. Correction: lurking in my doorway.
“I told you I was fine, Leo,” I say as I hide my sniffle. “Go away.”
“Why? Because I’m the last person you would want to see when you’re like this?” He’s talking quietly, and I can’t decipher if he’s trying to be nice or what.
“Well, yes. And it’s late. We have work tomorrow.”
“I don't care,” he says as he comes over to the side of my bed. I can’t bear to look at him. I’m scared he’ll take one look at me and laugh. His hand comes over to my face, and he turns it so I’m looking at him.
I know what I look like to him—weak.
“What’s making you cry, love?”
“You don’t care,” I say. “Go back to bed, Leo.” I try to flip over and ignore him until he goes away, but his hold on me doesn't budge.
“You don't have to tell me, but I’m here, Ella.” He gets up from where he was kneeling and actually sits on my bed. He pokes his shoulder out at me. “If you need a shoulder, I’m here.”
“I don't need you to come in here and make me feel better. Just because we’ve had sex a few times doesn’t mean we do thingslike this for one another. You’re not my boyfriend, Leo. I don’t need you to do this.”
“And if I want to?”
Does he mean that?“Well, I can’t stop you.”
His lips curve into a smile. “I’m stubborn, Ella.”
“I know.” Right here, right now, staring into Leo Zimmerman’s eyes, I feel comforted. I feel safe. I feel like I’m able to need him—to want him—but only for this moment.
“Come here,” is all he says, his arms wide as I lean forward, my body moving of its own accord. “You don’t want to talk about it?”
I shake my head against his chest.
“Okay, then I’ll just keep talking so I hopefully piss you off and the real Ella comes back. Where should I start?”
I laugh into his chest. Weirdly enough, his presence now is kind of helping. “Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else.”
“Why would I do that?” I can practically hear his smirk from here.
“Because it’ll make me feel better.”
He all but pushes me off him, and the two of us laugh. This feels weird, but part of me never wants this moment between us to end. Tomorrow, we’ll pretend this never happened and get back to our regularly scheduled bickering.
Before I think he’s going to leave me hanging, he speaks. “I’ve been feeling homesick recently. But not for England—just for my parents.”
Oh. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. I assumed he would lie and tell me something fake and then leave. This feels real.
“What do you miss most about them?”