Page 115 of Rewriting the Story

“A what?” Leo asks.

“It’s a movie,” Oliver tells him. “I knew those two had meddled in your relationship.”

“Well, it worked, didn't it?” Grant reminds us, and Henry starts to laugh as he pulls me onto his lap.

“We should have seen that coming,” he tells me.

“Oh, absolutely,” I agree as I laugh into his chest. “But I guess we owe you two a thank you.”

“I’ll take my form of payment in you naming any future pets or children after me,” Grant jokes. “Or a simple thank you during a wedding speech would be nice.”

“I don’t need anything,” Paige says. “Except for you two to last forever. Deal?”

“I think we can manage that,” Henry says.

“God, I thought Paige was bad back in college when she tried to ship us all together,” Hads says. “But you two were right, so I guess we all owe you a thank you.”

“No need,” Paige says. “The biggest gift of all is seeing us together in this room, drinking and laughing and having fun. It’s what we all deserve, and I am so grateful we’re all here.”

“Now, for this last song,” Ella says as she takes a deep breath, grabbing the mic from Paige, “I want to invite my favorite book club girls up to the stage with me.”

“All of us?” Hads questions as I take her hand and drag her up to where Ella and Paige stand.

“Yes,” Ella says into the mic. “This is a special one.”

As she hits play, Paige and I share one microphone while Hads and Ella share the other, our favorite song comes on. The last time we all heard it was when we danced to it at Paige’s wedding, the four of us in a circle as we screamed the lyrics. Before that, the last time was when Ella made us all go on a drive the night before Hads and Grant graduated. The three of them might have played it without me while I was gone, but I’m choosing to remember the moments we were together, singing until our lungs gave out.

I remember the first time I showed the girls this song. It was basically my way of showing them how I felt because back then, I never outwardly shared my feelings.

As the chorus starts and the four of us are up here singing our hearts out, I can’t help but feel the words tumble out of my mouth.

“I fucking love you guys.”

“Come on, boys,” Ella shouts into the mic. “Get the hell up and dance with us,” she says as the beat speeds up. Then, the eight of us are dancing around my living room, balloons and streamers everywhere.

None of us cares about the mess. All we care about are the feelings we’re having right now, echoes of who we once were in that small classroom at Grand Mountain.

I always wondered if I’d ever have a place to call home, since growing up, I never felt like I belonged. Well now, my biological family and I are on great terms. Henry and I had dinner with my parents and brother the other day, and it was wonderful being able to sit around the table, guiding the conversation and being a part of it. It ended with my parents hugging me before we left, leftovers of our dinner in a small box for us as they hugged me goodbye and told me they were proud of me.

I cried in front of them again when they said that, and it was one of the best nights of my life.

After that, I started my new job, and the moment I walked back into my old internship office, I felt like I belonged. I couldn't explain it—at least not with words. All I wanted to do was run feet first into anything I could get my hands on because of how excited I was to be back.

When I went to Henry’s apartment after my first day, I talked the entire time about all the exciting things I was going to be doing, and he let me. He watched me in awe as I barely touched my food because of my excitement.

And then I ended the night in his arms, which was the best present of all, because loving him is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. No matter what happens in the future, I’ll always be running back to his arms, knowing there’s a safe place for me there.

As he wraps around me again, I shove the microphone into his face as he looks at me, the both of us singing, surrounded by the love we share with our friends. I feel my heart settle in my chest as I take in the scene surrounding us.

Over the past few months, I’ve come to realize the home I’ve been searching for isn't me running away. It also isn't one specific place. It’s not just my childhood home. It’s not just in Virginia.

Home is laughing with my friends as we sing a little too loudly. Home is hearing Hads smack Grant or any of the boys with a ruler. Home is Ella asking us if we need water after a long night out. Home is Paige calling me every Saturday morning to debrief our week. Home is sitting on the floor with the girls late at night and eating chips right out of the bag. Home is that tiny classroom at Grand Mountain College, where these three girls first came into my life.

Home is wherever these people around me are, and even when they’re not near, I still have tiny pieces of them I can use to ground me when I feel stressed or when the world gets too loud.

We may have doubled in size since we met, but I am forever grateful I get to go through life with the same people I met when I was terrified of never finding anyone who could understand me. These girls were dropped into my life at just the right time, and I’m the lucky one who is able to say, years later, we’re still surrounding each other. I can still hear their laughter. I can still see them smile, cry, scream, and joke around with me.

And I still have Henry, who I was lucky enough to fall in love with twice. At least, that’s how I’m choosing to see it. In one lifetime, I was lucky enough to find him, know him, and love him two different times.

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