Page 13 of Rewriting the Story

Todayhasbeenthebiggest mix of chaos and confusion I have ever experienced.

Not only did I wake up late, but I rushed to the office like a chicken with my head cut off because I thought I had an important meeting about the next issue we were planning this morning. It turns out, I rushed for nothing, because when the conference room was empty this morning, my desk neighbor, Dan, reminded me it was scheduled for next week.

I don’t know what’s been going on with me lately, but my memory has been getting worse. When I’m in the office, I feel like I can’t focus,or someone is always distracting me with something else they need me to do.

And what's worse is the reason I woke up late: I stayed up way too late attempting to clean my apartment, only to have fallen asleep before I had a chance to get anything done.

Last weekend, I decided to try a new hobby—making trinkets out of clay I bought online. It’s been super fun so far, but I made a huge mess of my apartment that I haven't been wanting to clean. Last night, I had enough of coming home to my living space always looking like a tornado blew through it. I should be proud of myself that I even tried to clean up, but I’ve been beating myself up all day about not actually doing it.

My life lately has felt like a constant inner battle of me trying to do everything right and failing miserably, and I don’t know what to do to get out of this weird cycle.

“Amelia, are you ready for our budget meeting?” another colleague of mine, Jessica, peeks her head over my desk.

Shit. “I thought that was tomorrow afternoon?”

“Angie moved it. Didn't you see the email about it?”

“No,” I sigh—another thing I didn't pay attention to. I really am not doing this whole adult with a full-time office job thing well lately. I check my inbox, and it’s the first thing I see. The second thing is an email directly from Angie, and she blocked off a meeting for just the two of us beforehand.

Fuck.

“It looks like I have another meeting before then with Angie, but I’ll see you at the budget meeting, okay?”

She smiles at me as I grab random things off my desk before I bolt to her office, not wanting to be late. I take a few deep breaths as I get closer to her door. My mind is suddenly racing, and every bad thought about what this meeting could be won’t leave my head.

Am I going to get fired? Have I accidentally embezzled from the company and I’m going to get arrested?

This is not at all how I wanted today to go, and as soon as I stop the spiral in my brain and knock on Angie’s door, I throw my best poker face on and smile as she beckons me in.

“Amelia, I’m so glad you’re here,” she tells me.

Okay, that feels like a good start. “Thanks, Angie. I have to admit, seeing this one-on-one was kind of stressing me out.”For the last five minutes,since I just noticed it.

“I didn't mean to do that.” She smirks as she closes her planner, giving me her full, undivided attention. “How are you doing lately, Amelia?”

Her question catches me off guard. “Uh, I’ve been fine. Just going through the motions with work. You know how it is.” I mean, I broke up with my short-term boyfriend the other day. Our relationship wasn't going anywhere. It was a means to an end, and I think we both knew that. He barely said a word, and it wasn't anything difficult, since we lived separately and barely stayed over at one another's places. There was no awkward clothing exchange, no feelings muddling us up. It was amicable, the easiest breakup I’ve ever been through.

To be fair, every breakup is easy when the only one I have to compare it to ripped me to shreds.

She nods. “Look, I’ll cut right to the chase. I was originally going to have this meeting be about your yearly review, but when I sat down and started going over it with Ken, we were both a little concerned.”

I reach for my necklace. “Concerned?”

Another nod. “Yes. So, I wanted to bring you in here and ask how everything is going. I know the transition was tough for you at the beginning, but I’m starting to really worry about you, as your boss and a friend.”

I wouldn’t necessarily call us friends, but she is someone I see five days a week. Since I don’t really have any other friends over here besides my coworkers, I guess she counts as one.

Come to think of it, I don’t really have any friends over here. The only people I would consider as such are the people at the office, but even then, I don’t go out with them after work, and I don’t make an effort to know much about them. I don’t ask much about their lives other than what they give me, and I don’t tell them anything about me because, well, there is nothing to tell.

“You’re worried about me?”

“Amelia, the past few months, I’ve never seen you so distracted. You're messing up in meetings, you're forgetting to turn things in on time, and you don’t seem like you’re present. I’ve only just noticed it, but when I look back, I realize it’s been happening for a while.”

“I-I’m sorry, Angie. Really, I don’t know what’s been going on with me lately. I thought it was just happening today, but I can admit, I’ve been distracted when I’m here.” This is so fucking embarrassing. I cannot believe my boss has called me into her office and is asking me if I’m okay. “I promise, I’ll focus on getting back on track. Now, if that’s all—”

“It’s not.” She holds her hand up. “I think you need some time to recharge, and since you have the most accrued vacation hours I’ve ever seen, I think it would be good if you took the entire month of January off and reset.”

“W-What?”

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