Page 26 of Rewriting the Story

“Paige, it would be an honor if we could build a sandcastle together,” Ella says.

Paige hops up, shovel in hand, before she raises it to her chest. “The honor is all mine.”

I try to focus more on my book as they leave, but I can’t because in my mind, Hads is sitting about ten feet away from me. Now would be a perfect time to talk to her.

I should just do it, right?

“Hey, Hads,” I say as she looks up from her book. “Can we talk?”God, I sound like a desperate ex.

“Uh, sure,” she says as she throws a bookmark in her book and scooches closer to me. I’m not quite sure how to go about this. With Ella, it was easy because she surprised me while I was on the balcony. Hads and I are the least emotional members of our little group—well, we were. I’m not quite sure if Grant has softened her out more, but we’ve never had deep and sensitive conversations like the one we’re about to have.

This entire endeavor is a whole new beast for me, but I’m conquering it as best I can.

“Amelia?” Her voice shakes me out of my mind.

“Sorry,” I say. “I’m just trying to figure out how to go about this.”

“It’s easy,” she says as I lift my eyebrows at her. “You just have to speak.”

I stifle a chuckle before I basically blurt out my apology. “I’m sorry for what I’ve done, or rather, what I didn't do when I was in England. I screwed up, and I regret falling off the face of the planet. I was a horrible person and friend.”

She says nothing, so I continue.

“I’d say I wish I could go back and do everything differently, but I wouldn't. I went through a lot over there that probably wouldn't have happened if not for the decisions I made, but my biggest regret is not leaning on you when I was having a hard time. My biggest regret is how horrible I treated you guys, because I love you all, and you three mean too much to me for me to throw away all we had. You’re the only friends I want to have when we’re all old and gray, sitting in the same nursing home, reminiscing about the good old days.”

She giggles, no doubt at the picture I painted, and right when I think she’s going to grab some sand and throw it at me, she speaks.

“I can tell you’re trying, Amelia, but it’s going to take some time for me to come around to the idea of you being here again. I am happy you’re back and trying to fix everything. I may not trust you fully yet, but I’m not blind. You’re at least attempting to put the work in, and I think we’re all capable of getting back to how we used to be.”

“I do too. I’m going to try my hardest to fix everything I broke.”

“I was really angry at you—especially after everything that happened with Grant.” Her eyes meet mine as she sighs heavily, and I can feel my throat start to clog with emotions. “You weren't here, and Grant almost—” She cuts herself off, no doubt a little overwhelmed thinking about all that happened with the man she’s in love with. “Grant almost died. One of your best friends almost died—and you didn't come back.You didn't even pick the phone up. That hurt, Amelia, realizing you were no longer here and didn't care about us. We knew you saw our social media posts about it, but you still did nothing. That hurt.”

One tear falls. I didn't think Hads and I would get this emotional, but I thought wrong. “I wanted to come back. Really, I did, but I was struggling through my own shit. I was a fucking mess. Well, I still am, and that’s no excuse, but I’ve been working on doing better.”

“You do seem different.”

“I do?” I didn't think it was too noticeable, but I should have known these girls would see that. “That actually means a lot.”

“Why did you choose now to come back, though? That question has bugged me ever since Paige told me you answered the invitation.”

“That’s understandable.” I take a deep breath as my hand finds grains of sand, needing to feel something. “I came back because I’m in a place where I’m ready to fix the things I broke. I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself, and London didn't really feel like home. The invitation showed up at the right time, I guess. If it had shown up at the beginning of the year, I wouldn't be here right now.”

“I feel for you, Amelia. I do. All of us have been going through a tough time, but we were still able to talk to one another about it.”

“I know. I’ll carry the fact that I didn't reach out with me for the rest of my life,” my throat breaks, and she hands me a bottle of water. “Thanks.”

She nods, taking a second to think about what she wants to say next. “I know this isn't easy, but you hurt me. I can come to forgive you if your actions start matching your words, but everything will always linger in the back of my mind.”

“That’s totally understandable,” I agree. “I don’t expect you guys to just forget about that. I just want to show you all I’m trying to do better. I’m learning every single day is different for me and my mind, so I can’t tell you I’ll be perfect all the time, but I hope you guys can remember I’m trying.”

“As long as you stick to your word, we’ll be okay.” She smiles softly at me.

“I’ll try my hardest.”

She nods. “I can tell.”

“Are you guys okay?” Paige asks as she comes back over, her hands covered in wet sand.