Page 30 of Rewriting the Story

“I thought you guys told me she was spending this week with the girls like I was doing with you all?”

“Well, she is,” Leo says. “Ella hated the idea of inviting her, but the fact that she actually showed up and is trying is a good sign. It was Paige’s decision.”

“She was so excited when she found out Amelia would be coming back,” Oliver says, a sad look on his face. “I didn't know how to tell her I don’t trust that she won’t completely disappear on them again. She was sure these two weeks would change everything, but I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Wow. I guess I figured I was the only one she cut out of her life when she got on that plane, but I was wrong. She was the most important person in the world to me, but she was also important to the other book club girls, and she left them too. I guess the three of them and I have more in common than I thought.

The four of us are silent as I process all the information they’ve thrown at me. Not only have I been hurt by Amelia, but the group was too. Maybe I didn't have to be alone all these years. Maybe I could have had these guys around me even though I wasn't dating Amelia anymore. I think, in the back of my mind, I knew they wouldn't mind having me around, but there was something holding me back from reaching out.

Them holding a branch out to me might have been the best thing to happen—especially the timing. It feels like this impromptu trip sort of fell in my lap, and I’m nervous to see if it helps or hurts in the long run.

I guess I’m hoping for the best, but I’m also bracing for the worst. All I know is, I have to face the person who crushed me into pieces, and I’m not so sure my heart is guarded enough to not fall for her trap again.

Her trap being love. She lured me in, made me trust her, and then she crushed me. Us—she crushedus.

Wanting to switch the subject off her, I divert the conversation as best I can.

“Wait, you and Ella had a sex pact before you were official?”

“Oh, Henry.” Leo finishes his drink. “How long do we have this conference room?”

Grant looks at his watch. “An hour and a half.”

“Perfect,” Leo says to me as he stands and heads to the front of the room. “So it all started during university…”

11

Used to Be Friends by Searows

Iactuallysleptokaylast night, and I think it has something to do with how much sun we got yesterday at the beach.

I missed the ocean. I missed the sand between my toes, and I absolutely missed feeling like I belonged somewhere. There were many moments yesterday when I felt lighter than I had the past few years, and it’s all because I finally understand my mind and why it functions the way that it does.

If I had come back impulsively like I used to, I wouldn't have fixed anything. I would have made it worse, but knowing everything I do and being able to have these conversations with them is a huge step inthe right direction.

I’ve talked with Hads and Ella, and they seem to be open to being able to forgive me if my actions start to match my words, but I still have to have a really tough conversation with the girl I hurt the most. I have no idea how to go about it at all.

I sigh heavily as I drop my blush brush onto the desk. I take a glance at myself in the mirror and remember a time where I could barely look at myself without feeling like I was crumbling.

Now, it’s easier. It’s easier because I’ve learned to embrace who I am rather than be ashamed. I still struggle, but I’m better than I used to be. I can get out of bed in the mornings a lot easier now, and my mind is a lot more focused.

But I still hurt the people I love, and that guilt will never go away. Maybe it will lessen with time. For now, it still lingers around every turn. It punches me in the gut knowing I hurt the girls, but with Paige, the ache is stronger. She was the first person who ever wanted to truly listen to what I had to say. Paige was my first true friend, and she once told me being randomly assigned to be my roommate saved her life, but she saved mine too. The girl with clouds over her head, who had too many thoughts to deal with, was saved by the girl who lights up every room despite all she’s been through. She gave me a way out of the spiral. Whenever we sat on the floor of our apartment or studied with music playing, my thoughts were quieter than usual.

And I hurt her. I left her like I always said I wouldn't do.

Two soft knocks against my door force me out of my spiral. I already know who it is before I hear her voice against my door. Paige and I always did seem to have a sixth sense with one another. Here I was, just thinking about her, and now she’s knocking at my door.

It feels like college all over again.

“Can I come in?” she whispers, her voice timid.

“Yes,” is all I can manage to say.

The first thing I see is her smile, brightening up the room like it always does. The second thing I notice are the tears filling her eyes. I guess I didn't have to worry about how to start having this conversation with her. It seems like she’s brought it to me.

“I figured this was easier than me waiting for you to come to me.” She smiles where she stands. “Can we sit on the floor and talk? Or is this a bad time? Because I can come back—”

“No,” I say before she leaves. “Now is a great time. I was just getting ready, but that can wait.”