Page 32 of Rewriting the Story

“You’re doing the work to fix it, Amelia. You came back, owned up to it, and are actually trying to mend what you broke. Most people, when they hurt you, try to make themselves seem like the person who isn't at fault, but you’re not doing that. In fact, I can tell you’re not because of how guilty you feel.”

“You can?”

“It’s how I lived a lot of my life. I used to walk around with guilt like it was a cloud always over my head, wondering what I did to make my parents hate me so much because that’s how they always made me feel—like I was the problem.”

My heart cracks, and I worry it’s going to fall out of my body at the reminder.

“You’re trying, Amelia, and that means more to me than anything.” She smiles at me again, and I wonder what I did to deserve her looking at me like I’m not the most horrible person and friend on the planet. “Give yourself some grace and remind yourself of that when you start to spiral.”

“Okay.” I nod. “I’m really proud of you, you know.”

“For what?”

“You just seem different. You look truly happy, and I’m excited for you and Oliver.”

Her eyes widen at me. “Did you just compliment Oliver?”

“Maybe, but don’t tell him I said anything nice about him. I wouldn't want the Earth to stop spinning if he ever found out.”

We’re silent for about three seconds before we both start laughing through our tears, unable to breathe as we lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling like we used to.

Paige gets up first, and before she slips out of my room, I speak again.

“Thank you,” is all I say.

“For what?”

“For not giving up on me, even when I felt like giving up on myself.”

“It’s what friends are for, Ames, and don't ever forget that.” She smiles before she closes my door and leaves me to think.

My mind is quiet, a stark difference to what I thought it would sound like after that. I thought I’d be swimming in thoughts of how horrible I am, how much of a mess I continue to be, but I can’t hear anything but my own breathing.

These girls are magical, I think to myself. I wish my brain was easier to deal with. I wish I didn't struggle so much with object permanence in my relationships and could have hung onto them when I hit rock bottom. I know they would have grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the hole I was in, because that’s just who they are. They are the light when I can’t see the way out.

I’m better when I’m beside them, and I hope they’ll forgive me fully so I don’t have to be without them ever again.

“Thisgameisactuallykind of depressing,” I say to the girls as Paige spins the wheel for her turn.

“Well, it is the game of life, and life can be pretty depressing, so I’d say it's accurate, if nothing else,” Ella jokes.

“Guys! This is supposed to be us getting drunk and having fun before the boys get here tomorrow. I say we spend this round of the game getting as delusional as possible,” Hads says, already sounding a bit drunk. Ella poured us all mimosas, and she’s having a blast drinking mine. Water has become my best friend, no matter how much I miss prosecco.

After Paige left my room this morning, it took me another half an hour to fix my makeup and get ready for brunch. Ella pulled me aside before we left and thanked me for having these conversations, and I have to say, these past few days have absolutely been a step in the right direction.

I’m proud of myself for not running away from my feelings for once. No matter how much it scared me to do this, in the end, it was worth it. Not only are the girls on their way to believing I’m here for the long haul, but my actions are finally matching my words.

It feels good to have these girls around me again.

We all play a few more turns before each of us lands on the wedding part of the game.

“Okay, who are we all marrying?” Ella asks us.

“Well—” Paige starts to speak but gets cut off.

“We can’t say our current partners this time,” Hads reminds us before looking over at me. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Harvey and I were a means to an end.” I look around at the girls, and they’re all staring at me. “What?”

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