Page 34 of Rewriting the Story

Three words is all it takes for my head to spiral and for my palms to get sweaty. Ella just got back from getting ice for the drinks. When she threw the snacks she bought on the counter, and came over to me, her eyes said everything she wasn't.

But those three words… I never thought I’d hear his name on this trip, but it seems like these next two weeks are going to be full of surprises.

I touch my necklace, the same one he put around me all those years ago, telling me how beautiful I looked as he latched it on. I can almost feel the brush of his lips against the back of my head, the crook of my neck, my forehead, like he’s the ghost haunting me after all these years.

He’s here. Henry ishere, in the same hotel, same place, same vicinity as me, and I can’t run from him.

“What?” I can only manage a whisper. “H-Henry is here? Like, h-here, in this hotel?”

“Yes,” is all Ella says.

Panic floods my system. I’m either going to throw up, cry, or scream, so I do what feels right.

I lock myself in the bathroom.

I need air. I need space. I need to think, because I never thought I would see him again. I especially didn't think he would be here at Paige’s wedding. Did he and the boys stay in touch? Did Paige invite him in case she thought I wasn't going to show up?

I pace around the bathroom for a few seconds before I stop, turn the sink on, and splash cold water on my face. It doesn't help, and I don’t know why I thought it would.

When I look up at myself in the giant mirror above the sink, I swear, I can see the girl I was a few years ago. I can see the glow radiating from my skin when Henry was around. I can see a glimpse of real and true happiness I once had before I ruined it.

I know I hurt him. I know I crushed him in that airport, and now, he’s back, and I’m going to see the same face I crushed the last time we were together. I’m going to have to acknowledge his pain, the hurt I caused him. I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to speak to me again.

My breathing starts to become uneven, my mind racing as I stare at the necklace I can’t seem to take off, no matter how many times I try. Part of me feels like I kept it around my neck to punish myself—to remind myself of the hurt I caused every time I saw it and felt it against my skin.

The small windmill sits on my neck, reminding me of the happiness I once had that I ruined by doing what I always do.

Running. Bolting. Leaving.

Now he’s here, and I can’t run this time. I guess this trip really is for me to mend every terrible mistake I made back when I was young and stupid.

Though, it wasn't that long ago. I’m still young. I’m still a mess, but the difference is the work I’ve done. It’sgettingdiagnosed when I thought I was just a rotten person who couldn't handle grown-up life like everyone else can.

“Ames? Are you okay?” Paige asks me through the door.

I can’t find the words to answer her as I hear the girls mumbling through the door.

I run my hands through my hair, suddenly feeling like all the walls are closing in on me again. I take a second to gather myself, to remind myself of the techniques Dr. Elyse gave me when I had a panic attack in the middle of one of our sessions.

Let the thoughts exist for a moment. Take a deep breath. Let them go as soon as they take shape.

I feel the cold sink beneath my touch. I hear the girls murmuring outside the door.

Don’t run from these, Amelia. Let them come and go like a wave,I remind myself.It’s just the spiral. It’s not me. Tolerate these thoughts and move through them rather than shoving them somewhere else.

I’ve confronted the hurt I put the girls through. I wasn't expecting to have to confront him and what I did over these two weeks, but life is full of surprises you can’t plan for. I need to talk these feelings out, and instead of running away, I’m going to runtowardsthe people who understand why this situation is so overwhelming for me.

“Amelia, you never did tell us whatactually happened with you two,” Paige says through the door.

“Now is as good of a time as any if you have to see him all week,” Ella tells me. “We’re here for you.”

It didn't sound like she said that with an eye roll, but she’s right. I never told them anything about me and Henry. I just fucking left.

“Do you want me to get the prosecco?” Paige asks me.

Well, here goes nothing. “We’re all going to need a drink,” I tell them as I swing the door open. “Well, besides me.”

“Why?” Hads asks.

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