Page 79 of Rewriting the Story

Is Henry going to propose after graduation? No. No, he can’t be doing that, can he? We’ve only known one another for a year. That’s way too soon to get engaged, let alonemarried.

We’re so young. We’re so young, and we have so much time. Is he really serious enough to want to lock me down this early into our relationship? I love Henry. Of course I love him, but I am in no way ready for this kind of commitment.

I thought we had talked about this? I thought he knew we were taking it slow and at our own pace? Not once has he brought up marriage or kids or the rest of our lives. He knows how I feel about thinking about that stuff.

I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this, and I won’t be the one to turn him down when he ultimately gets down on one knee. I can’t say yes tohim, not right now. Maybe ten years in the future, but now? No way. I can’t break his heart when I say nothing to his proposal.

It’s not that I don’t want to marry him. It’s that I didn't know he was so serious. I’m not ready for this level of commitment. I have an entire life to kick-start after graduation, and as selfish as it may be, I want to be secure in that before I decide to get married. I want to have a career and be successful and show my parents they were wrong.

I have all these things to do before I get married, and I won’t put them on hold.

What the fuck am I going to do?

This is too much. The ring stares back at me in the palm of my hand, but all I see when I look at it is a prison sentence. So, I do what I know best—run. As I grab my phone from my purse on the counter, I notice a text from him, and I freeze, as if he can sense my thoughts spiraling all the way from his house.

Henry: I’ll be back soon. What should I pick up for dinner on my way back?

I can’t do this tonight. I can’t look him in the eye after what I found. God, I feel like I’m going to be sick or something.

Amelia: I’m actually not feeling too well. Rain check?

His reply is almost immediate.

Henry: Are you okay? Do you want me to drop something off at your place?

Amelia: No, it’s fine. Paige is taking care of me.

Henry: Oh, okay.

Henry: I’ll see you tomorrow? We can study together in the library after class.

I don’t bother answering him, because I’m already halfway out his door, trying to calm myself down and failing miserably.

I’m officially losing my mind, and as I speed back to my place, I turn my phone off, not wanting to deal with anybody or anything but my racing thoughts about the future and what it holds for the two of us.

29

Now

“Everything happens for a reason, but I don’t know the reason behind all of this.” —Excerpt from Henry Hayes’ Text Messages

“I’mtalking!I’mgivingyou answers, Henry. Do you want to know why I left?”

“Of course I do!” I shout back at her.

“Then why are you telling Leo you never wanted to get married when I found a ring on your bookshelf back in college?”

Oh,fuck.

Amelia found that? The pieces fall into place as soon as the words fall out of her mouth. I remember that night so clearly. I came back to school to a small basket on my counter, no Amelia in my apartment after she said she wasn't feeling well. I always assumed she had set it up at random, but now, the picture becomes clearer.

She went to my place before I got there. She set the basket up, perused my bookshelves like she always does, and found the ring I hid—not very well, in hindsight.

The ring scared her off, and throughout the rest of finals week, she almost avoided me on account of our schedules being the exact opposite, but normally, when she’d make time for us, she didn't. I chalked it up to being busy—I knew how Amelia felt about me—but looking back, it was obvious.

That was when Amelia started retreating from me. That was also probably when she decided she was going to leave and never look back. Pre-finals week, she had no job opportunities, so I’m not sure when she got the call about leaving, but as soon as she did, the plan was in motion. Everything moved so fast back then, and I obviously wasn't going to talk her out of her dream, so I went along with it.

“You found it?” I whisper, suddenly feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.

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