Page 85 of Rewriting the Story

I look at Hads and Ella, and they nod in agreement.

“No more apologizing,” Ella says. “Let’s just be in one another's company, okay?”

“Got it.” I smile. “Are you guys hungry?”

“I could always go for some snacks.” Paige answers.

“What do you say we head for the kitchen and sit on the floor while we eat?” I ask. “For old time’s sake?”

After the words come out of my mouth, I realize how sad they are. Here I am, sitting with my three favorite people in the world, telling them we should sit on the floor because those are some of my favorite memories. So many nights, I met Paige in the kitchen and sat with herafter she had a nightmare, or she couldn't sleep, and we ate snacks until the sun came up.

As the four of us grab blankets, water bottles, and ourselves, we head for the kitchen area and plop down in our spots, grabbing snacks and passing them around, huge smiles on all our faces as we settle in.

“Do you guys remember when we got drunk on Ella’s birthday and ended up on her kitchen floor until the sun came up?” Hads asks us, and we all laugh. “That was one of my favorite moments of sophomore year.”

“What I remember is you talking about how dreamy Grant’s eyes were that night,” Ella jokes, and Hads throws a chip at her.

“It was Amelia’s fault! She was the one talking about lakes, and it made me think of his eyes!”

“I haven't been that drunk since then,” Paige laughs. “But my favorite part of that night was the next morning, when we made breakfast and listened to music. It was another one of those moments where I healed my inner child. There were so many mornings I either skipped breakfast or made it myself because my mom was too busy.”

A few tears fall from Paige’s eyes; I know she’s still worried about not having heard from her mom. She’s supposed to be here tomorrow, but the radio silence has us all worried she won’t show.

“You guys healed every bit of my inner child that you never broke in the first place. I really love you guys so much. I can’t imagine my life without you all in it.”

“Paige, oh my gosh, I cannot keep crying,” Ella says as she grabs the tissue box from the counter.

“To be fair, this is the most I’ve seen Amelia cry ever,” Hads jokes as she hands me a tissue. “It’s still freaky seeing you have emotions, but I like it. It suits you.”

“Thanks…I think,” I chuckle as I wipe my tears with my pajama sleeve. “To be honest, it’s still weird to me. I think my therapist broke me.”

“More like healed you, Ames,” Ella tells me, grabbing my hand. “And we’re thankful for her doing God’s work.”

I shove her arm as we all laugh until we cry.

I wish I could send a message to the version of myself back in England who was terrified, lonely, and worried she was broken. I would tell her we made some mistakes, but we survived them. I would tell her we lost our friends, but we were smart enough to fight to get them back. I would tell her life doesn't end when you graduate college—it actually begins, and you’ll fail a thousand times at a thousand different things, but you’ll come back from them every single time.

I would tell her she started completely over once, and she can do it again.

No matter how many times life tried to knock me down, throw me off track, I eventually figured it out, despite feeling every time like it was over.

I would tell her the friends she left would forgive her, and eventually, we would sit on the floor with them again and laugh until our ribs hurt, until we cried, because we’re all grateful to be next to one another.

“Do you guys want to know what I thought a lot about tonight?”

“Sure,” Hads says as she passes a snack to Paige.

“The Halloween party our senior year. The one where Ella and Leo matched.” I smile as I remember that night. “That night feels like a fever dream looking back. I mean, now Ella and Leo are dating. Oliver and Paige are getting married. Hads and Grant are still going strong, and even though I ruined everything with Henry, that night makes me remember all the good things about college with you guys, like a mirror to the one we just had, except this time, I didn't fall asleep early.”

“That was a weird night,” Hads says. “I don’t know how I was so oblivious about Paige and Oliver. Looking back on it, I was an idiot.”

“Maybe a little bit,” I say as she throws a chip at me. “I’m kidding!”

“That was an interesting night,” Ella says, a blush creeping up her cheeks. “Even now, I would still swing that bat at him. He still pisses me off, but I can’t imagine not loving him as much as I do now. God, how everything has changed. It’s making my heart want to explode.”

“Mine too,” I say as I grab another tissue. “It’s weird thinking about how things have changed but also kind of stayed the same.”

“That’s what growing up feels like.” Paige smiles sadly to herself. “I used to wish I was an adult when I was a kid, but now that we’re here, I wish it would calm down a little. I know we’re all still in our twenties, but for some reason, it feels like our lives are almost over.”

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