Page 86 of Rewriting the Story

“They’re not, though,” Hads reminds us. “We have so much time to change, to grow, to experience all the beautiful and terrifying things life has to offer. And the best part is, we get to experience it all together. That’s the best gift this life has brought us, at least in my opinion.”

“Agreed,” I say as I raise my water bottle, the rest of them following suit. “One final toast between the four of us. To the tiny classroom where this all started, and to the lives we made together.”

We clink our water bottles together, and for the rest of the night, we’re just four girls who happened to find one another at a small campus in Virginia.

Everything is going to be fine, I remind myself. As long as I have these girls, how could it not? As we all fall asleep on the floor of this hotel suite, I’m blasted with a wave of not wanting to miss out on these moments right now.

I can't keep living in the past, wishing I did things differently. I have to live here and now, because one day, this will all be a distant memory. I don’t want to waste these moments thinking about what could have been. I want tolivethem with my best friends.

As my eyes flutter shut, I make a promise to myself to only look forward, because past me got me to where I am now, and I should be thanking her for finding her way back home to these girls. Through thestruggle, through it all, I’ve come out stronger than I ever knew I was capable of.

Thank you. I forgive you, I say in my mind as I finally drift off to sleep, dreaming of sand between my feet and ocean waves in the background.

33

Feels Likeby Gracie Abrams

“It’smyweddingday!”Paige shouts as she sprints around the room, Hads and Ella next to me as she jostles me awake from the floor. “Wake up, Ames!”

“I’m up. I’m up,” I say, smiling as soon as I see the three of them. “Holy shit. It’s tomorrow.”

“I’m going to make pancakes,” Ella says as she stretches before giving Paige a big hug. “Happy wedding day, Paigey.”

“What the fuck?” Hads says as she grabs her phone. “Ugh, I’ll be right back.”

“What’s goingon?” I ask her, confused.

“My brother is having some sort of freak out over the color of his tie, according to Grant.” She sighs heavily as she whips the door open. “I knew this was coming.”

Ella and I start laughing as she leaves, wondering what a freak out from Oliver would look like. I’m sure even his freak outs are bland.

“Paige, why don’t you start the music and get the bathroom set up with all your makeup? I can grab your dress and hang it on the door.”

Just then, Claire and Sadie join us, Claire’s camera in her hand. I’m already emotional thinking about seeing these pictures after the fact.

“Sounds good!” Paige says, her smile bursting. “Sadie, did you bring the thing?”

“I did.” She smiles, handing Paige a small velvet bag. “Your something blue.”

Paige throws her arm around her best friend before she drags Claire and Sadie into her room, leaving me and Ella in the kitchen. I don’t even bother asking Ella if she wants me to help—I jump right in, grabbing some plates and utensils for us all.

“Are we going to ever talk about what happened in the parking lot that night?”

Her question doesn't surprise me. In fact, I thought she would have asked me about it before. “In college, I found an engagement ring in Henry’s apartment hidden in a book.”

The spatula falls from her hand as she looks over at me setting the table. “What?”

“I found the ring and ran from him, Ella. It was the weakest moment of my life, same as what I did at the airport. I was weak, and I left because of how terrified forever felt to me at the time.”

She flips a few pancakes on the griddle. “You came back, Amelia. I think you keep forgetting that. Yeah, sure, you had a weak moment, but you had enough strength to come back and fight for your friendships. Don’t you think you could do the same with him?”

“I don’t want to hurt him again, Ells.” I loved him and then I broke him. I don’t think I have the strength to love him again if I know, deep down, I might panic and leave like I did last time. I’m trying to do better, but the what-ifs don’t ever stop.

And then she says two words that stop me in my tracks. “Then don’t.”

Sometimes, it really is as simple as that, but with me and Henry, I don’t think it ever could be. We’re messy. Complicated. We’re too intertwined, and we can’t just forget the past. I really wish it were that simple. If it was, I’d run right back to him at this very moment.

I have no time to form any words before Hads comes back into the room, her face a sliver away from laughing her ass off. “My brother is insane. It’s official.”

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