Page 87 of Rewriting the Story

“Well, jail will do that to a person,” I joke, and Ella throws a chocolate chip at me.

“Did Oliver figure out a tie?” Ella asks, and Hads nods.

“And he calls me the dramatic one.” She shakes her head. “He settled on the one he originally picked because Leo told him to go with his gut. That’s all it took, and the freak out was for nothing.”

Sadie pokes her head outside of Paige’s room as Ella finishes the pancakes. “Are there mimosas, by any chance?”

“I knew I liked you,” Ella says as she grabs the orange juice and champagne, already one step ahead of her.

Afterthemostnostalgicmorning of my life and having to hold back my tears, I’m now standing on the beach, away from the hustle and bustle a few yards from me.

Weddings are notorious for thinking about love, life, and everything that comes with celebrating two people starting their forever together. All I can seem to think about is Henry.

At the rehearsal dinner, he told me he still had love for me. That almost knocked me over, him saying that. It brought me right back to the moment he said it for the first time in that grocery store parking lot. I’ve replayed that moment a lot when I’ve felt unlovable, and I wish he knew how much that one conversation affected me.

Henry Hayes is the only proof I have of being loved, and I destroyed him.

Could I still love him? The answer is obvious. Of course I could, butshouldI? Should I subject him to this version of myself, who has no clue what the hell she’s doing? I can’t. I can’t throw myself back into his orbit if I don’t even love or understand who I am yet.

Maybe we could slowly get back to being friends, but I can’t force my way back into his life just because I regret the mistakes I made.

Ella is right, though. I know I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t have to. I could just fade from his life as if I didn't exist, and we’ll forever be a could have been. I’m not sure how this ends, Henry and I, and he’ll always be the biggest what-if of my life.

Neither of us can erase the memories of what we once were. If only there were some way to do that, but even then, I wouldn't ever erase him from my head. I showed him every part of myself I hated, that I was unsure about. I gave him every piece of me, even if not vocally all the time. Henry understood the songs I would play for him, understood those were me telling him the things I struggled to say.

I take a deep breath as I stare out at the ocean, feeling the water hitting my feet, my shoes hanging from my hand on my side. Maybe that’s what we are. We’re not stars dying beside one another in the sky. We’re not an unfinished story he has yet to write. We’re a wave coming from the ocean, heading to shore, only to return to wherever it came from. Thispart of our story is simply the wave hitting the sand, some of the water dissipating beneath someone's feet.

I’m not totally sure of anything in my life, but I am sure Henry and I are meant to be intertwined. I thought there was nothing left between us, but him saying what he did at the rehearsal dinner has given me hope, and even if it might be false, I still have to try.

My phone buzzes, and as I grab it from my small purse and see who the message is from, I have to grip my phone tighter so it doesn't fall into the water.

Kacey: We can absolutely set up a meeting. Just send me some times you’re available and I’ll make it work for you, Amelia.

Kacey: I’m glad you’re back over here. You’ve been missed.

I don't have any time to process the message before I feel a hand on my arm.

“Paige needs us,” is all she says before I follow her lead. By the time we get to Paige, my heart drops to my chest.

“Ames is here,” Ella says softly. “What’s going on, babe? Are you having second thoughts?”

She shakes her head into Hads’ shoulder before she grabs her phone from the pocket of her wedding dress, opening it to a text conversation. I know all of us are feeling the exact same thing as we read it.

Feeling guilty about missing half of her child's life is the lamest excuse for not showing up for her wedding—especially after they’ve been working to mend their relationship.

“She’s not coming,” Paige sniffles as a single tear drops from her face. “My own mother is going to miss my wedding.”

Hads blots her tears from her face before she gets right into Maid of Honor mode. “It’s going to be okay, Paigey. Do you want me to ask Grant to walk you down the aisle? I’m sure he would do it.”

“Or I can grab my mom?” Sadie offers. “We always joked she was like a second mother to you when we were kids.”

“Or I could do it?” Hads says. “You are marrying my brother, so it would work, right?”

We all nod in agreement, but Paige shakes hers. Her sadness is still written all over her face, but a small smile comes through.

“No.” She walks around a little bit, pacing while her dress trails behind her. “I’m going to walk myself down the aisle. As long as I’ve got my girls, everything is going to be okay.”

We all hug before I go back to my seat behind the front row next to Jacks. Claire is off to the side, her camera at the ready.

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