Page 14 of Let Me

“Are you speaking in code?”

I grin, tickled by her perception of me, and respond, “No, I’m not.”

“Then you’re certainly not making yourself clear, so tell me, Judah, why do you want toknowme?Be honest.”

“Because I like you, and you like me, too, so stop playing and meet me for dinner tonight.”

I didn’t mean to be so forthcoming, but I felt like I needed to let her know just how interested I am.

“No,” she responds.“Judah, it’s Wednesday.I don’t feel like being around a bunch of people I don’t know, talking about stuff that doesn’t interest me.I’d rather be—”

“It would just be me and you,” I break in to tell her.

The line goes silent again.I suppose she’s thinking it through, but that’s the last thing I need – for her to sit there and overthink this.

I ask, “Autumn, are you there?”

“Yes.I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Being alone with you.”

“We won’t be alone.We’ll be in a restaurant.That is what you wanted on Saturday night, right?Time with me?No one else.Just me.However, I was preoccupied with an old acquaintance, and that meetup was already scheduled.I probably should not have invited you there, and for that, I apologize.So, I think I—we—deserve a do-over.”

“Okay,” she says offhandedly, but I’m still pleased, regardless.“Listen—I have to get back to work.Give me your number, and I’ll text you mine.That way, you can text me the details.”

“Okay.I can do that,” I tell her, then rattle off my cell number.

“And don’t add me to no group chat,” she orders.“You’re the only person I want to get to know right now.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Alright.See you soon.”

“Looking forward to it.”

As soon as the line disconnects, I smile and sit here, waiting for my phone to beep.When it does, I look at the text message that comes through.It says, “This is Autumn,” followed by an emoji of leaves.That’s how I save her name in my phone:Autumnwith the leaves behind her name.

I text her the name and address of the restaurant and tell her to meet me there at six.She responds with a ‘thumbs-up’ emoji – not the most reassuring response, but at this point, I’m just glad she responded at all.I really want to know this woman, and I want her to know me – even the difficult things.I feel like I can open up to her in ways that I haven’t been able to with anyone else in my circle.That’s what Nico said I needed – somebody to talk to.Well, besides him.He knows everything about me, but I don’t confide in other people.I don’t want pity or empathy – I don’t want nobody feeling sorry for me.

Back when I was first diagnosed, I preferred being alone, especially after my fiancée dipped because, in her words, she had her whole life ahead of her and wasn’t prepared to deal with my health issues.I’m glad we didn’t get to the ‘in sickness and in health’ part of our relationship because she surely would’ve divorced me.That’s how fast she split.

Between the betrayal of someone who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and having to deal with health issues that came out of nowhere, I retreated into isolation for an entire year.I hardly talked to anyone – my parents and my best friend Nico included.I sat alone many nights asking myself why – not God – myself.I felt like I’d done something wrong to deserve this, but I knew I’d live a good life up to that point.Depression set in.I was a mess – filled with negative thoughts and no real hope for my future.

It was through the darkness of my deep despair when I discovered that isolating myself wasn’t good for my physical or mental health.So, I built my tribe – my support community – the beautiful people I surround myself with.I meet them and bring them into my life.Having that kind of support worked wonders for my soul.My symptoms improved.The doctors couldn’t believe it.While I didn’t have a clean bill of health, I had a measure of it.I felt like myself again.

Ifeellike myself again.

However, lately I’ve been having this feeling like I’m missing something.That’s why I need this dinner with Autumn.Since meeting her, it feels like someone punched me in the gut and that feeling is still lingering until I figure out why I handed this woman my ice cream cone.Yeah, I’ve met other women in unconventional ways, butthistime, withthiswoman, I know it’s not the same.

This evening, I need answers.

Chapter 5

Acropolis.

That’s where I’m supposed to be meeting him.I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having second thoughts.Riley thinks I should go, but she’s just desperate to get me boo’d up with somebody.Me, I’m not desperate.I know myself – know that I have plenty of love to give and when God sees fit to send me a man to drown with that love, I’m perfectly fine with waiting.

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