Page 46 of Let Me

“Hey, did you finish reading your book yet?”

“Not yet.I try to read a little before I go to bed but most nights, I’m so exhausted from work, I don’t even try.I’ll just be lying there trying to read and the book falls right on my face.”

He grins.“I’ve had that happen a time or two.”

I take a sip of water.

He says, “When we were in the bookstore, I left because I knew the story you made up was about me, and I didn’t want to think about my life like that.”

“Like what?”

“Looking through optimistic lenses when I know the ending to the story.I know how it feels to be in a committed relationship with someone that you think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with only for them to leave you where you stand and basically chuck up the deuces and wish you good luck.”

“I’m not trying to make excuses for her, but she was probably just scared, Judah.People react to different situations in different ways and, until you’re in that situation, you don’t know how you will respond.”

“So, you would’ve done the same thing?”he asks, pointedly, his gaze fixed on me.

“No.”

“How do you know?According to your own take on this, you’re not in the situation, so how can you say that affirmatively?”

“Because I know myself.I know who I am and who I represent.”

“Who do you represent?”

“My Creator.I represent love.Love doesn’t leave when times get hard, Judah, and if I was yours, I would never leave you.I know they saynever say neverbut I’m saying never because I would never.I can say that affirmatively because I know my heart.”

He stares at me for so long, time stands still.I’m locked in, he’s locked in and we’re in this vortex that we can’t get out of.I don’t know what to say and he’s in another world.Suddenly, he looks down, thinking, I suppose, because he still hasn’t said anything.

I say, “I’m sorry that happened to you.I really am.Do you feel like you still need closure?”

“I don’t need anything but to be left alone.”

“Oh,” I say, taken aback by his response.“Did you…want me to…leave?”

He closes his eyes, debating on how to answer my question.Since he doesn’t respond, I decide for him.A delayed answer is usually ‘no’ anyway, isn’t it?

I get up and head for the door.

“Autumn, wait.”

“For what?It’s obvious this was a bad idea.”

“It wasn’t I’m just—”

I bend over near the front door to get my shoes.He walks over, bends down to take me by the wrist, and moves me upright so that I’m standing.

He says, “Don’t go.I’m sorry.I don’t know what to say.Or how to be?I don’t know how to talk to you because this shouldn’t—”

He sighs.

“This shouldn’t what, Judah?”

“This shouldn’t feel the way it feels.”

“And how’s that?”

“Autumn, I don’t want you to leave.”

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