Page 55 of Let Me

Click.

I hang up the phone before he can protest.I find a large, plastic Tupperware container for the pot roast, and cover the cornbread pan with aluminum foil.The cake is in a cake saver.That makes it easy to place that in the car and once I get everything inside, I focus on making my way to his house as quickly as possible.

Turning into the driveway, I park behind his car and with a heavy heart and sustenance in my arms, I push the doorbell and wait.

He doesn’t answer immediately.

I push it again, and again, and again.

Still, he doesn’t answer.This isn’t the Judah I know to leave me hanging like this.

I set the pot and cornbread on the porch and knock loudly, but there’s no answer.He’s here, he’s not coming to the door and it’s intentional.

“Judah, can you please talk to me?”I say loud enough so he can hear me.“Judah, ple—”

Tears fall from my eyes.“Judah, please don’t do this to me.Please,” I say in full tears.I sniffle, wipe my eyes and nose with the back of my hand and reach for the doorbell for a final time.However, my index finger doesn’t connect with the button.

Defeated, I lower my arms to my side, inhale a deep breath, pick up the food and walk back to my car.Even then, with a drenched face and broken heart I just sit there, hoping and praying that he wouldn’t do me like this – treat me like a stranger.As if all of our time together meant nothing.

But he does.

He doesn’t come to the door.

He doesn’t respond to me.

Text me.

Call me.

He stays hidden behind the walls of his house like my feelings don’t matter.Is he really doing this to me?

The tears have since dried on my face.I start my car and drive back home angrier at myself than I am at him.I knew this was a possibility.Yet, I put myself out there anyway, thinking that I would be the woman to change his mind about relationships, and I was for a hot minute, but in the end, I’m just like everybody else to him.

Temporary.

Chapter 19

I didn’t want to go on the hike today, but I knew getting outside would lift my spirits.I’ve been in the house for the last couple of days, overthinking my life, agonizing about death, thinking about my father’s hatred of me, and everything in between.I think about how Autumn must feel after she came to my house on Thursday, rang the doorbell and knocked after I pretty much ended our relationship over the phone like a coward.I suppose that’s who I am.I was right – she does deserve better than that.

“Hey, what’s up Judah?Where’s Autumn?”Moriah asks.They’re so used to seeing us together that, when I’m not with her, that’s the first question I get.“Is she not coming?”

“I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean you’re not sure?Y’all have been inseparable for weeks.”

I continue walking, avoiding her because what do I say exactly?

Moriah skips ahead to catch up to Luna.Meanwhile, I linger at the back until the rest of the crew are out of sight.I turn around to see that Autumn is a ways back.Looks like she decided to join us after all.

I’m glad she’s here although I’m not ready to face her.I knew I would have to at some point.I suppose it may as well be now.

I begin walking back toward Autumn.Her scent greets me before her icy gaze.It has me recalling how close we’d become in just a short time.We were good together, have the potential of beinggreattogether, but aren’t I doing the noble thing by releasing her to someone who can do it better?Who would be around longer?Who’d check every box for what a woman like her deserves?

She stops walking to look at one of the small waterfalls, bracing herself for my presence.I stand beside her, listening to the trickling sound of the water that should be therapeutic and relaxing, but it’s not.The thumps of my heart are interfering with the tranquility.The tension I feel from her end is doing the same.

My stomach is in knots.

My head hurts.

---