Page 94 of Let Me

My father pinches a tear from his right eye and says, “She knows what she signed up for, son.You shouldn’t keep this from her.”

“I don’t want people grieving over me while I’m alive.I want them to see me living.Thriving.Loving on my family.”

“And what about when your health starts declining?You won’t be able to hide it then.”

“I guess I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it.For now, I’m not at the bridge.I feel fine.”

Dad shakes his head and walks over to me.He throws his arms around me and pulls me into his embrace.“You’re my one and only.My God…” he says as he breaks down.“I want you to know that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Dad?This isn’t your fault.”

“Somehow, I feel like it is,” he says, wiping his eyes again.“I feel like there is something I could’ve done to prevent this from happening.”

“There isn’t anything you or anyone else could’ve done.It’s the hand I was dealt.I’m going to play it ‘til the end.”

“I love you, son.”

“I love you, too, Dad.”

He dries his eyes before we head back inside.I kiss my mother on the temple and then I take my wife by the hand and walk back home with a heaviness in my chest.

Chapter 39

Riley screamed for like five minutes straight when I told her I was expecting.My mother was so happy, she cried tears of joy.And it wasn’t just a simple cry.No, she was straight up whimpering, sobbing and overcome with excitement.My father was happy, too, but he tried to hide it.Since finding out it’s a boy, Adrienne, Riley and my mother have been going nuts, buying loads of baby clothes.I have so many onesies, my baby won’t be able to wear them all.

Atfive monthsI finally started showing.Judah can’t keep his hands off my stomach.He has a habit of talking to the little boy that we’ve decided we would name after him.

Little baby Judah.

Atsix months, I have an actual baby belly, and I’m loving pregnancy.Women usually complain about it and maybe I’ll have some complaints when our baby boy gets bigger, but for now, I’m beyond elated that I get to be a mother to Judah’s son – a man I love deeply, wholly and to the depths of the earth.I can already see how my pregnancy has changed Judah.He’s more relaxed and mellow.Lately, he’s been more of a homebody.He always was, but now, he doesn’t hang with the crew all that much.Doesn’t really talk to Nico, either.And I can’t remember the last time we went on a hike or did anything outdoorsy.We’re usually home with regular visits from Presly, Adrienne and my parents.That’s our little village.They’ll play important roles in making sure our bundle grows up to be a successful man.

But back to Judah, he’s different.It’s difficult to describe because so much has changed in our lives, and a baby definitely changes the dynamic of a relationship, especially for a man who didn’t think he could have children.I suppose he’s getting into daddy mode.He’s going to be awesome at this.

Tonight, he wanted to watch a movie.Yeah, he’s been into TV lately which is fine by me.Curling up on the sofa with popcorn and ice cream for a pregnant woman is bliss.

Adding my husband to the mix and it’s heaven on earth.

“Hey, you need some help in there?”I ask.He’s in the kitchen making popcorn on the stove since it tastes better than the microwave version.

“I got it, sweetheart.I just want you to relax.”

After I don’t hear anymore kernels popping, he says, “Here we go.”

He places a big white plastic bowl on the table and sitting next to me, he plants a kiss on my cheek.

I say, “Thank you, babe.I appreciate you so much, and so does baby Judah.”

He raises my shirt and kisses my belly, then he asks, “Did you find a movie?”

“Are you asking me or Junior?”

He chuckles.

I say, “No, I didn’t see anything.”

He picks up the remote and searches through movie apps.Then he turns the TV off completely.He couldn’t find anything either.

“How about we just talk and enjoy each other’s company?”

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