Page 35 of Love Off Course

“Lord, the things I would do to this bathroom,” Damian says, once his laughter has faded. He pokes his finger into a hole in the sheetrock.

“What? Ew. New low, bro,” I tell him, nudging his shoulder.

“I’m not a bro, honey, I’m a glowworm. And I wasn’t going to put my glittery cock in it. I was talking about a revamp.”

“A revamp?” I ask as Estefania says, “Glittery cock!”

He snorts and fingers the hole. “Keep up, drunk divas. I would work my Damian Birch magic on this bathroom. Turn it from blah to ooh-la-la!”

We all giggle.

“I have never seen a glittery cock,” Estefania tells him. “In fact, I have never seen a cock at all.” She gasps and slaps her hand over her mouth.

“Oh, Lordie in the sky above us,” Damian screeches, jumping up and down in his heels. “You did not just tell us your goddess self is a freaking virgin. Hellllo, your pussy is as magical as my glitter stick!”

“I think it’s sweet.” I smile at her. “You’re sweet.”

“Ew, Sugar Tits and Sherrie Berry, I am gay, but I’m not into watching two girls make out.” He pouts and then digs around in his bag for something. Lipstick. He leans in to reapply. “Now if I were in here with the two sexy-as-sin pilots…” He makes a little squealing sound. “Yum. So much yum.”

I want to tell him Camilo ismyyum, but then decide I’m not drunk enough for that declaration. The lights flicker overhead. Perhaps I soon will be.

“You two owe me a drink,” Damian says and then pokes at the hole in the wall again. “Seriously. How hard do you think it would be for me to convince Eduardo to let me redo this bathroom?”

“I don’t think it’s Eduardo you have to convince. It’s not his hotel.” I stiffen just thinking about Camilo’s stern mother. “But Rosita totally should take you up on it. I’ve never seen your show before, but anything would be an upgrade around here.”

“I would paint it yellow,” Estefania tells me. “With big, red flowers.”

“No, flower child,” Damian huffs. “Too busy for this small space. I could do yellow, though. More of a muted yellow than a buttery one. Changing the light fixtures will help brighten it up so the color doesn’t need to do it for us.” He grabs the edge of the sink and wobbles it. “I’d put in something small but ornate here. In this tiny space, you need the room.”

“Well, don’t stop here. What would you do about that horrible office?” I ask, feeling bolder with the tequila running through my veins.

“Burn it?” Estefania offers.

We all laugh.

“I’d definitely have those muscular boys out there empty it for me. Half of those things are from the seventies and that era died when their style did. Most of those things need to go, starting with that horrible desk.”

“You should redo this whole restaurant,” I tell him. “Do it for your boat show.”

His lip curls up. “It’s not a boat show. It’s a?—”

“Freak show?” I offer with a laugh.

He shoves me playfully and I land in Estefania’s lap. She hugs me. Maybe this bestie thing isn’t so bad after all.

“Yachts, my love. I rehab yachts.” He shakes his head in exasperation. “Understand?”

“But you could do a restaurant,” I tell him with confidence, “you could do anything.”

His lashes beat against his pink cheeks several times and his eyes water. Oh, shit. What did I say? Guilt swims up inside me. I’m not good at this whole friendship thing.

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Damian chokes out, fanning his face with his hand. “Come here. Get in the Damian Dungeon.”

The Damian what?—

I’m jerked out of Estefania’s lap and into his arms where he hugs me tight. It’s not a terrible place to be. The Damian Dungeon smells like cotton candy and tequila. I might just stay awhile. I’m just hugging him back when someone beats on the door.

“If you’re done insulting my darling Eduardo’s bathroom, perhaps you could let some of us others use it.”

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