Page 87 of Arseni

Why didn’t he kill Arseni?

My eyes close at this thought, and I wail while covering Arseni’s body with mine, though I know it’s a mistake.Because I know Hudson.

I’m his.

I’m always going to be his.

God pity the man who tries to take me away.

As Hudson nears, I force myself to stand and step over Arseni’s body to partially block it.“He isn’t breathing.”I force my eyes onto the devil’s.They’re angry.Fiery.Fuming with vengeance.

“Th-thank you,” I whisper, my voice shaking with fear I hope he’s too delusional to see.In my experience with him, he’s smart, but he likes to fool himself.It’s all a fantasy to him.He punishes me every time I try to ruin it.

“I…” I take a step closer and lay my trembling hands against his chest.“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t rescued me.”

“Rescued you,” Hudson deadpans.His lip curls, but he doesn’t push my hands away.He’d never do that.

He just wants me to grovel.

“Do you think I don’t know every sick, twisted fucking fantasy you’ve been living out…” Hudson’s voice is low and menacing, barely contained rage bubbling beneath the surface.He points to Arseni.“Withhim?”

I shake my head, but I don’t know what to say.Ineverknow what to say to him.

“You’re sick, Margot.”His eyes narrow with derision as he takes me in.“You need help.”

“Yes.”I nod several times, tears leaking down my face.I know exactly what he’s saying.

I’m a pedophile.He tells me all the time when he’s angry.Never mind the fact that he’s the same age as Arseni, and they’re both grown men.

You’re faking it with him, he wrote to me in unknown blood on my bathroom mirror three months ago.He was talking about Austin.

I know what you really like, he followed up in an email the next day.Photos of children were attached.

I’m not that, I almost sent back.But I knew better than to defend myself.I took the rest of the day off and spent it crying in my bed.

“Yu-you’re right.I’m sick.”I take Hudson’s hands, my fingers grazing the gun.He tightens his hold on it and eyes me suspiciously.“Please help me, Hudson.”Running my hands up his arms, a sob escapes.“Show me what I need.Please.”

“You only wanted me when I was a child.”He shakes his head, still admonishing me.Some of the anger has left his eyes.

“That’s not true.”I close my eyes and bite back the oncoming sob.“I-I just didn’t know what I wanted.You’ve always been there for me, and—and—and now I see that.I see how much I need you.”

Taking a deep breath, I prepare to go in for the kill.

“Hudson Nathanial Peters… Iloveyou.”

I hold his arms gently while trying not to cry.My own voice is glass in my ears.It hurts to say these words not because I don’t love Hudson—of course I don’t—but because I mean what I’m saying.Just to the wrong man.

I’ve never told a man I loved him before, and it feels like agonizing irony that the man I love is lying unconscious on the road, his brain possibly filling with blood.

“I love you,” I say again, just so I say the words aloud.I’m looking at Hudson but speaking to Arseni.“You’re the only person in my life who’s made me feel like I have everything I need.I feel alone without you.I… Ican’tlose you.”

“You’ll never lose me.”Hudson frowns, holstering his gun.He places both hands on my shoulders in a possessive embrace.“I’mdevotedto you, Margot.You’re the love of my life and always have been.”

“I know.”I nod several times.“You’ve always done such a good job of showing me… Now it’s time for me to show you.”

He lets me take his hand and lead him a step toward the car before he stops.I hold my breath and resist the urge to look at Arseni.I peek over my shoulder.“Hudson, please… I want to go home.Withyou.”

He stares at me for several seconds that last for hours.I stare at him back hoping my eyes shine with innocence.Hudson is a maniac, but he isn’t stupid.He can lie to himself, but I don’t expect his guard to vanish.

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