Page 84 of Heidi Lucy Loses Her Mind

“I guess,” Phil says, pulling me out of my perusal. He’s looking at his phone, which has started buzzing in his hand. “And the police warrant was only for rat poison,” he goes on distractedly. “They didn’t come in here. Listen, I’ve got to take this.”

“Of course,” I say quickly. “Take your time.”

Go on in,Phil mouths as he brings the phone to his ear and steps back out of the room.

Heidi and I take a few hesitant steps further into the room.

“Wow,” I mutter, looking around with interest. “This place is pristine.” I guess I’m not too surprised; Carmina seemed like the kind of woman who liked things to be a certain way, so there’s no reason her living space would be any different.

Heidi glances over her shoulder at Phildegarde’s retreating form, and then she turns to me. “I don’t think we have very long before he comes back,” she whispers when he’s out of sight. “Let’s see what we can find.”

“What are we looking for?” I say.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” she says. “Something that locks, or maybe a file folder that saysLook here if I’m murdered.”

“Right,” I say slowly. “Anything suspicious. Got it.”

“Specifically,” Heidi says, raising her pointer finger, “anything that might be worth killing over.” She wanders over to the large vanity, beginning to rifle through the jars and bottles and trays on top.

I move with less certainty. I’m not sure where to start, mostly because I’m not the kind of guy who hides things or keeps secrets. I’m not sneaky or subtle. Not to mention…

“This feels so wrong,” I say, wincing as I crouch down and begin opening drawers.

“It doesn’t to me,” Heidi says.

I look at her, my eyebrows hitching.

“She looked me right in the eye, Soren,” she says with a frustrated sigh. “She looked me dead in the eye and said that stuff. It felt like she wasaskingme to do this. And maybe it’s harsh, or cruel, but…she’s gone.” Heidi swallows. “She’s dead. She’s not coming back. But whoever killed her, they’re still here. So I’m going to try to find out what happened to her. Even if it means digging around in her life.”

I nod slowly. “Let’s just make sure we don’t hurt other people who are still here with our digging.”

“I’m trying not to,” she says, her voice softer now. “I really am.”

“I know,” I say.

“Just keep helping me.”

“I will,” I promise. “Always.” Then, with another glance around, I say, “Let’s keep moving.”

I return my attention to the drawers I’ve been opening, and I can hear Heidi continue to shuffle around too. I feel around in each drawer rather than looking and digging, because it feels less invasive, but I still come up with nothing. After taking stock of the rest of the room, I decide to try the bed next.

The mattress is heavy—some memory foam contraption, I think—but I manage to lift it by one corner, holding it as high as I can to see if anything has been tucked underneath. That’s where kids always hide their diaries and stuff, right? Under the mattress?

But there’s no diary hidden under Carmina Hildegarde’s mattress. There’s nothing there at all, and I let the mattress back down gently, grateful to be releasing the weight.

“Anything?” Heidi says from the other side of the room, where she’s now running her fingers over the spines of the books on the little bookshelf.

“Not yet,” I say, nudging the mattress back into place. Then I stare at it.

The covers are pulled up, the comforter tucked neatly around the pillows; Carmina made her bed the morning she died.

It’s a weird feeling, seeing that. Someone who makes their bed is someone who intends toreturnto that bed. And Carmina…well, she never did. She made her bed that morning never realizing she wouldn’t get under these covers again.

Did she feel a difference? Could something in her tell that she’d never lay her head on these pillows again?

And good grief—why am I so morbid?

I shake my head a few times, trying to quiet the thoughts rattling around in there, before moving to check the pillows. They’re way too firm for my liking—again, some kind of foam—but under the one on the right, I do find something interesting.

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