Page 80 of All's Well that Friends Well

And honestly? I need them. I just need them to hug meand tell me they love me. More than that, even, I want them. And I think…

I really think I’m ready.

It’s still scary, though.

So I take a deep breath and focus my gaze not on India or Aurora but instead a spot right between their heads. Then I make myself speak, because I think I’ll feel better after I do.

“I got sick a few years ago.”

It’s better to dive right in rather than beating around the bush. And I can see the confusion on my sisters’ faces even though I’m not focusing directly on them—concern, too. But before they can ask any questions, I go on.

“In late high school and then when I was starting college. I was really stressed and anxious and sort of depressed, and—yeah.” I clear my throat, but it doesn’t seem to do anything, and my pulse is trying to jump out of my veins. “I was doing dance and everything just sort of…” I shrug. “Anyway, I developed an eating disorder.”

Silence, and I’ve never stared so hard at anything as I’m staring at the speck of couch my eyes are glued to. “I didn’t really realize it was happening at first. It was gradual. Little steps, you know?” Then I shrug. “Long story short,” I go on, “I ended up getting sick enough that we decided I should drop out and come live at home and get help. Me and Mom and Dad,” I clarify. “I’ve recovered decently well, but I’m sort of struggling right now, and I wanted to tell you. Because you’re my best friends,” I say simply.

There,I think with satisfaction.That wasn’t so bad, was it?

And it wasn’t, I realize slowly. It wasn’t bad at all.

But it seemed so scary before.

We’re still sitting in silence, which I don’t mind, becauseit allows me to take stock of my heart, my mind—allows me to check how I’m feeling about the step I’ve just taken.

But I also know I’m stalling, putting off the moment when I’ll need to look at Aurora and India and find their reactions. So, with another deep breath, I finally make myself look at my sisters.

I glance at India first, because I can better predict how she’ll react. Her freckled skin has turned pale, her eyes wide, her expression stricken. It’s what I expected, mostly. India isn’t someone to wear her heart on her sleeve. She rarely expresses her emotions to their fullest extent, no matter how they might feel.

Aurora, on the other hand, is hot and cold. She might keep everything to herself, or she might explode. And you don’t always know what you’re going to get. I comfort myself with the reminder that no matter how she reacts, she’s not going to be mad at me.

So I let my eyes find her after another second—and my jaw drops.

Because there are tears—actual tears, as in multiple—running down her cheeks.

Aurora is crying.

I gape as I step closer to make sure I’m not imagining things, but no—she’s crying. Her mouth is clamped shut and her expression isn’t all screwed up, but those are definite tears.

India’s head whips toward Aurora when she sees me staring, and she startles at the sight too, once again blinking with shock. Then, as though in a trance, she pats around in her pockets, pulls out her phone, and snaps a photo of Aurora’s face.

“Send me that,” I breathe, to which she just nods.

We stare in silence at our big sister for one second, two seconds, until?—

“Stop it!” The words burst out of Aurora. She swipes her cheeks angrily and then holds her hands over her eyes. “Stop staring at me! It’s justcrying.Everybody cries.”

“You never cry,” India says faintly.

“Of course I do. I cried when—” But she breaks off, and even though she’s still covering her eyes, her mouth twists into a frown—probably as she tries and fails to think of the last time she cried.

“See?” I say.

“Well, it’s sad!” Aurora says. She finally lets her hands drop to her lap, sniffling slightly. “It’s sad, Jules. That you were going through something like that alone.”

We all sober at this, and India nods.

“You’re doing okay now?”

I shrug. “I’m functional. My mental health has just been a little iffy, which makes it hard.” My eyes burn as I watch another tear trickle down Aurora’s cheek. “So I’ve been struggling with the mindset a bit.”

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