Page 115 of Cosmic Soul

“Mate?” I asked.

He burrowed against my chest, nuzzling. I ran my fingers through his hair. I doubted he even knew why he was rubbing me, scent marking me. He was claiming his mate, which I was more than fine with. Everyone needed to know I belonged to him, and him alone.

“We need to scan his tail,” the doctor said in a calm voice.

I kissed the top of Caleb’s head. “I’m going to grab your tail.”

Tears dripped down his cheeks, and the sight shattered me. I was trying to care for him, but he was overstimulated. There were too many sights and sounds in here. I wished he didn’t haveto do this, and I felt guilty for making him sit here, but I needed to know how to help him.

I unwound his tail as carefully as possible, kissing the brown-haired tip, and his breath sharpened. The technician ran a scanner over the appendage. When he was done, I stood, and Caleb wrapped his tail around my wrist, tugging me. I settled in between his legs and drew him into my arms.

The doctor raised an eyebrow at my position, but she didn’t remark or ask me to step aside. Caleb burrowed against my chest, and the examination continued with more scans and tests that made him cringe and me growl.

When they finished, the doctor told us, “We will have the results in a week or so.”

“Thank you,” I said. I cupped Caleb’s cheeks. “Let’s go back to our quarters.”

“I want to see the garden.”

“Come.” I led him out of the palace and to the terrace garden. The ever-present wind blew around us, ruffling Caleb’s hair. He jerked, then frowned, trapping the locks. “Perhaps you should cut your hair?”

“Yolkeltod had it long.”

“But it’s your hair now.” The straight brown strands were several shades darker with a red tint than Caleb’s original hair color. Had those curls been soft? Would they have wrapped around my fingers?

“It’s not,” Caleb snapped.

“What?”

Caleb yanked out of my grasp. “This is not my body.”

“It is,” I said, but my mind went back to his human form.

“It’s not. I’m not me. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

I reached out to him, and he drew back. Hurt, I asked, “Mate?”

Tears slid down his cheeks, and his wings hugged his shoulders while his tail curled around his ankle. The wind blew,and he barked, “I hate how everything feels and smells. I hate it all. I hate being touched.”

A shard of ice stabbed my soul. I’d done nothing but touch him. I hadn’t even asked. I’d assumed Caleb desired my touch as I did his. Permissions hadn’t come up, and they should have. Of course, they were different now that he had a body. We were different. Our relationship was different.

Guilt, strong and cold, swept through me, and on its tail was self-loathing. I was failing him again. Utterly and completely. I was longing for Caleb’s human body when he was struggling to exist.

“I want to go back,” he cried. “I can’t do this anymore, Fyn. I want to go back.”

“Caleb,” I whispered, unsure of what to say. I couldn’t desire that. Not ever.

He shook his head and started to run away, body stiff.

“Caleb!”

“Leave me alone, Zoltilvoxfyn,” he shouted, limping out of the garden.

I ran until my body screamed for me to stop. My back throbbed, my legs trembled, and my head pounded. I couldn’t believe I’d said those words. I sounded like an ungrateful, whiny bastard. I was given a second chance—a chance Yolkeltod had never gotten—and here I was complaining because my senses were driving me to the brink.

Sunshine probably thought I hated him. I didn’t. I loved him, desperately. He was the one thing I was completely sure of. I didn’t even know who I was, but I knew him and what he meant to me.

Fyn was everything.

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