Page 116 of Cosmic Soul

But I wanted to go back. I wanted to be a ghost again. It was easier; it was what I knew. Though, at the thought, my stomach churned and my chest throbbed in a weird thrumming. To not be able to touch Fyn again, to not know how amazing he smelled or how warm he was against me would be torture. I couldn’t exist like that again.

Going back wasn’t an option, but the here and now was so hard. And I couldn’t help but wonder what if.

What if I’d been human? What would it have been like? What would we have been like? I could ask Seth, though he’d probably die from embarrassment if I asked what Kal’s dick felt like plowing him or what he tasted like.

Did it even matter? If I knew, it wouldn’t change anything. I was a drakcol now, not a human, though, at the same time, I wasn’t. I was neither and both.

God, everything was so damn confusing.

“Caleb,” a calm voice said, making me start.

Monty stood in front of me, expression peaceful. His long silvery white hair hung around his broad shoulders, and he was dressed casually in a high-collared black sleeveless shirt and black pants.

“Monty.” I scrubbed the tears off my cheeks. “Hello.”

“Did you and Zoltilvoxfyn fight?”

“No.” I shook my head, then nodded. “Yes. I don’t know.”

He gestured to the path, and I moved to his side. Monty walked at an even pace beside me. He was my height, which was on the taller side for drakcol. “How are you?”

I shrugged, freezing as the upper part of my spine twinged.

“I have no knowledge of what that human movement means.”

“I don’t know how I’m doing.” The damn wind blew, wrapping around me and stirring my hair. I yanked the strands back in place.

Monty paused. “May I?”

I cringed.

“I won’t touch you.” When I agreed, Monty grabbed my hair and tied it in a loose knot, securing it with a band.

“Thanks.”

“How long were you a spirit?” he asked.

“Uh,” I said, blinking at his blatant question. “Over twenty cycles.”

“I understand.”

“What?” I asked.

“You are overburdened with these new senses.”

“What?” I mean I was, but still, what?

Monty gestured to my tail, then my wings. “Your body is radiating terror and stress. Normally we do not hold our legs, nor do our wings hug our shoulders.”

“I couldn’t feel or smell anything as a ghost, and now…” I helplessly trailed off.

“It’s everything.”

I ran a hand down my silky shirt. “This is not my body. I have appendages I don’t know how to use. I’m gigantic. Everything is different.”

He started moving again toward the cathedral with the Crystal looming in the distance. “You are correct. That is not your body.”

For some reason, tears dripped from my eyes.

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