Page 49 of Cosmic Soul

“The Guard is still holding your place,” Tinlorray continued, straightening Yolkeltod’s hair. “Two more cycles and you can go to space as a security officer, like you desire, or join the Planetary Navy, if you want to go to the academy first.” Her tail flicked. “I know I didn’t want you to go, because I’d miss you, but, Yolkeltod, I would do anything to have you back, and if the stars are where you want to be, I will support you.”

Everyone had regrets. You said something hurtful that you wished to take back. You didn’t support someone because offear. You didn’t talk to someone as much as you wished. We all left this world with regrets for actions not taken and things left undone, but the people we left behind had just as many. It was the human condition—or rather, the price of living.

“Please,” Tinlorray said, voice growing in volume. “Please, Yolkeltod, come back to me. I’m so sorry. That fight…”

When she trailed off, I swore my heart fell, but it was so fast, I couldn’t be certain it had actually occurred.

“We fought, Yolkeltod,” Tinlorray said, tears forming. “We never fight, but you were going to leave, and I wasn’t ready. The last thing I did was accuse you of abandoning me. Of neglecting your duty to our family for adventure.”

She cupped her brother’s cheek. “Please, please accept my apologies. Please, Yolkeltod.”

“Fuck,” I whispered.

Tinlorray gripped his much larger hand. “I’m not ready… I’m not ready for you to go, so I need you to come back.”

Chapter 21

My life, my mate, my choice.

Joy pulsed through me as my thoughts circled on Caleb. While he called me Sunshine, he was truly the sun in my life. He brought a tenderness and light I’d never experienced before. So little time had passed since he’d entered my life, and yet, I couldn’t imagine it without him. He was precious to me in an indescribable way. It was like my entire universe circled him and him alone.

“You are not listening to me, Zoltilvoxfyn,” Kalvoxrencol said, swatting the back of my legs with his tail.

“I am not.”

“You have been smiling a lot of late.”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“No. Hallonnixmin and Monqilcolnen both remarked on it as well. Is everything well?”

In the past, I’d often been used as a means to get information from Kalvoxrencol when he was causing problems or hiding from us, but the same could be said about him concerning me. When I was lost in the ebbs and flows of my mind, the rest of my brothers unleashed Kalvoxrencol on me. Like he was with me, I kept no secrets from him—we were the closest of friends.

“Yes,” I said stiffly and turned to the ferns outside of my greenhouse. The seedlings were ready to be transplanted. I had spliced this hybrid together so it was hardier than either of the originals, required less water, and produced more oxygen.

I was going to present it to the Council of Seekers for use on long-haul ships once I’d proven the longevity and ease of care for the hybrid species. The ferns were also a most pleasing shade of purple, which wasn’t important, but I quite liked the color, as did Caleb. He hoped the black spots of one of the parent plants would grow on the underside of the leaves as the seedlings aged—I wasn’t sure, but I was excited to find out.

Kalvoxrencol stared at me, and I ignored him. I wasn’t going to tell him about Caleb, because I feared his response. He wouldn’t judge the two of us for caring for each other, but Kalvoxrencol would worry about me and mine’s future. I didn’t. Caleb was mine as surely as Seth was Kalvoxrencol’s. I knew it. I felt it.

Though as much as I told myself that, a niggling weed of doubt wouldn’t leave me be. It made me question whether I was the best thing for Caleb, whether it was safe for him to remain, or whether it would be better if he left me behind.

“You didn’t meet with Doctor Jalnin.”

I snapped, “That isnoneof your concern.”

He tilted his head to the side and offered me his throat, and I turned away, head lowered and tail slashing. Kalvoxrencol rarelydid that. It was hard for him to concede anything to us, even when he was in the wrong.

Guilt surfaced, and with it, self-loathing. I didn’t like injuring him, but whether I saw my doctor or not was my personal affair. Ihadmissed the appointment because I was with Caleb. Besides, lying to my doctor was counterproductive to my mental health, but I couldn’t tell him about Caleb, and all I wanted to do was talk about my mate.

“I care about you, and I want to make sure you’re not neglecting yourself,” he said.

“I know, Pest. I didn’t mean to bite.” I moved several empty pots off the electric trolly before sending the cart away. I planned to create another hybrid for Seth. He’d shown me images of a flower called aroseon his planet, and I planned to recreate the flower here. No samples had been taken from Earth when Kalvoxrencol went to claim his Crystal-chosen mate, a shame in my opinion, but I had the genetic structure, once Seth had requested NAID send it to me, and believed synthesizing something similar was possible.

“I know I have been occupied with Seth and I was gone for an entire cycle, but you can still speak to me about anything.”

“I know, Pest,” I repeated. I wrapped my tail around his briefly. “I don’t begrudge you wanting to spend time with your mate. I like Seth. I’m fine. I swear on the Crystal's light.”

“You are more than fine. You’re always smiling.”

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