Page 71 of A Resistance of Witches

“I thought you said it didn’t hurt.”

Rebecca sighed. Things had always been this way with her and Claire, even when they were lovers. Every word a weapon, every misstep an opportunity for rebuke. She would have liked to blame Claire for the way things had been, but in her heart, Rebecca knew she’d been just as responsible.

She remembered their last fight, the words that had become a constant refrain in their relationship.

You’re so angry, Rebecca!Claire had shouted. Rebecca had lost her temper at dinner again, over something so insignificant, she couldn’t even remember it now.Why are you so angry all the time, with everyone?

You keep saying that! You keep saying I’m angry, like there’s something wrong with me, but aren’t you angry too?She had felt consumed by it, like she was sitting atop a pyre, burning alive. She’d seen the look in Claire’s eyes, the way she recoiled from her, but she couldn’t stop.I’ve lost everything, everyone I ever loved, my whole family, and you want me to not be angry?

That’s not what I’m saying—

Then what are you saying?

Claire had hesitated, like she knew that once she opened this door, there would be no closing it. She sat on the edge of the bed they’d shared, and hung her head.

How can you say you love me, when all you feel is this rage, every second of every day? How can there be room for anything else?

Rebecca had tried to dig inside herself for that messy, beating vessel of her love. She’d wanted to pull it out of her chest, hold it in her hands for Claire to see.Here. Here it is. Here’s my love for you. But she couldn’t seem to reach it.

It was Claire who finally put them both out of their misery.

“You’ve been recruiting.” Rebecca hoped the change of topic would lighten the mood. “There are twice as many here as last time. All new faces.” She didn’t ask what had happened to the old ones.

Claire raked her fingers through her hair. “They just keep coming. Theseboys, useless and scared and running for their lives, just desperate not to get carted off to some German work camp. They want to feel like freedom fighters, and carry a gun, but they don’t listen. They’re undisciplined, and impossible to train.”

“And Lucas?” She didn’t want to know, but couldn’t seem to help herself. Like picking a scab.

Claire’s face turned hard. “He’s here because he wants to be.”

“Good,” Rebecca said, but she had waded into unfriendly waters, and they both knew it.

Claire stood. “Try to sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Rebecca didn’t want her to leave. She almost reached out and grabbed her. She almost said,Please, stay with me. Please don’t leave me alone.But then, Rebecca always had been a stubborn mule. She watched Claire go. And a moment later, exhaustion came and draped itself over her, and she fell into a fitful sleep.

•••

When she woke againit was midday, and all the beds were empty, save for hers. She sat up, wincing at the pain in her shoulder. A pair of trousers and a gray wool jumper lay folded on the table next to the water pitcher. Rebecca stripped off her ruined clothes and pulled on the trousers and jumper over her bloodstained undergarments.

A group was gathered around the massive kitchen table, sharing a midday meal. Claire was with them, along with one other woman, a mousy-haired girl with birdlike features and a puckish, turned-up mouth. The rest were men, about a half dozen in total, all sullen looking with bad skin and teeth. Lucas was nowhere to be seen.

Claire looked up as she entered. “You’re awake. Come, eat something.”

Rebecca’s skin felt grimy as she sat at the table. She could smell the blood that still clung to her skin and her underclothes. She recognized the person next to her as the boy from the night before, the one who had held her at gunpoint. She gave him a nod, but he didn’t nod back.

Claire passed her a mug of beer and a heel of stale bread. “Not much to go around.” She shrugged.

Rebecca ate, all too aware of the many sets of eyes watching her. She looked up and met the gaze of the bird-faced girl, who offered a flat smile and looked away.

“Heard you were with one of the groups out in Lyon,” the boy next to her said.

“That’s right.”

“Heard you know André.” There was something about his tone that set Rebecca’s teeth on edge.

“Knew him. Yes.”

The boy kept his eyes on the table in front of him. Rebecca looked at Claire.

---