The only thing I can do is get him to talk to me. I demand that he delineate in words exactly where his head is at.
I put a little effort into my appearance before confronting him, mainly to hide some of the bruising on my face, or possibly distract him from it. I slip into one of my urbane dresses and stare at myself in the mirror for a long moment to gather more courage.
Knocking on his office door, he calls out for me to come in. He doesn’t even look up from his desk as I enter and close the door behind me. Not until I come to a stop right in front of his desk. For a second, he seems like I have him ensnared by my presence, then the shield goes back up, and he feigns indifference. I don’t let him see how badly it hurts as I, too, feign indifference.
“How are you?” I ask coolly.
“I’m good. How are you today?”
So fucking formal. What is wrong with us? “I’m good. Just miss you.” He gives me a tight smile and returns to whatever he was doing. Doesn’t he know how difficult it is for me to force those words out, showing even a sliver of vulnerability? Again, I remain withdrawn and round the desk to prop myself on the surface next to him. “Talk to me, Massimo. Whatever is going on with you, with us, I have a right to know.”
He stills but keeps his head down. “We’ll talk tonight.” Then he goes back to whatever the fuck he was doing.
I snatch the pen out of his hand and white knuckle it. Trying to contain the outburst trying to explode from me. “No. We’ll talk now.” He slowly looks up at me. “You hardly look at me, we haven’t had sex, you won’t talk to me, you do your best to avoid me until it’s time to go to bed. Tell me why,” I rush the words out and leave a pause for him to respond, but he gives none. “Do you think they raped me? Is that it? I said they didn’t, and I meant it. So, if you think I’m ruined or broken—”
“I don’t think that,” he snaps.
“Then what is it? Tell me what’s going on.” He doesn’t answer me again. “When you said we should postpone the wedding, did you really mean postpone? Or did you mean cancel it?” I’ve been trying to avoid that thought ever since he said it days ago. I thought it was because of my face and the aftermath of it all, but in the back of my mind, I’ve been terrified that he doesn’t want to marry me anymore. When he still doesn’t respond, my heart drops and my worst fear is made real. “Do you still love me, Massimo?” I curse myself when my chin trembles and my throat aches from trying not to cry. I want to scream at him for making me feel so weak. For making me sound so fucking pathetic.
Still, he gives me nothing and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. “So much for your love not being a fickle thing,” I spit, my anger quickly baited to the surface, leaving my heartache on the backburner for now. I hop down from the desk, more than ready to flee.
“Alessia.” He goes to grab for my hand, and I dodge it. His eyes instantly darken, and his face hardens.
“No. You had your chance to speak and chose to stay silent which says a lot.” So many things I want to sling at him right now. Let him know how much of a coward and a liar and a fraud he is. But if I do, I might end up breaking down, and he no longer holds such a privilege.
“Alessia,” he says more firmly as he grips my upper arm tightly, stopping me as I try and leave.
“Get the fuck off me, Massimo. I am so serious right now.”
“Don’t you dare deny my touch,” he growls.
“Fuck. You.” I’m shaking with gritted teeth.
His wild gaze mirrors my feral one as we have a standoff. Then his mouth comes crashing down on mine and he kisses me hard. I kiss him back at first and then I chomp down on his bottom lip and he rears back in shock. I don’t dare blink as I lick my crimson lips and he wipes at his and gapes down at the blood on his fingers. When he looks back at me, I quiver. He’s savage and I’m here for it.
Gripping the back of my hair harshly, I let out a hiss just before he smashes his mouth against mine again. “Do that again,gattina, and I will tie you to the bed and torment you for days.”
I don’t even give him a response as I kiss him back and we tear at each other’s clothes. He has me naked in record timing and his shirt is gone and his dick is out. Propping me up on the desk, he shoves his cock inside of me with brutal force and begins his violence. Our kissing remains rough and sloppy, both of us desperate to send a message.
I’m silently begging him to tell me he still loves me. To tell me that we’re okay. That he only needs more time to coop with the trauma the attack may have caused.
He pounds into me for a while then abruptly pulls out and repositions me. Yanking me down from the desk and spinning me around to pin me against it and drive back into me from behind, causing my hipbones to crunch on impact.
My body is bent in half when he shoves me down on my face by my hair and his other hand grips my ass cheek so hard it’ll leave marks. I have to reach up and grip the edge of the desk to hold on while he removes his hand from my hair and snakes it around to roughly toy with my clit.
Arching my back and angling my hips towards him, he hits a new spot, and I’m so close to coming. The way his hips speed up, and he grunts, he is too. His plan was clearly not to make this last.
Fisting my hair again, he jerks me upwards making me cry out. His mouth is crushed against my ear forcing me to listen to his ragged breathing. He doesn’t whisper any sweet or dirty words to me like he always does. He just pants and fucks me until we both erupt.
I come hard and fast and I’m barely spiraling down from it when he pulls out of me to come all over my ass. Something he typically does when we’re fighting, so I don’t let myself read too far into it.
When he gets himself dressed and leaves the room while I’m still bent over his desk naked and fatigued, I do.
What is happening?
Chapter thirty-five
Massimo