Page 1 of Hate So Deep

Chapter 1

NOW

Lauren

The slow steady beep of the monitor bounces around my brain until I can’t process anything but the annoying fucking sound.

I’m still avoiding Mom’s gaze because her dark stare said it all when I walked into the hospital room reeking of alcohol and vomit.

When I glance at her sideways, she’s glaring at the wall with wide, vacant eyes, and I drop my head to my hands.

What the fuck is happening?

It’s hard to reconcile the man lying so still with a tube rammed down his throat to the boy who used to be so alive. The doctors said that Buck is brain dead, but the words don’t compute.

Brain dead. Aren’t we all brain dead, anyway?

I’m sure Buck wasn’t thinking with hisbrainwhen he jumped into a fight that he couldn’t win.

My dad clearly wasn’t using critical thinking when he sent Buck down this path of rage with his selfish choices. Not to mention Mom…and her overbearing, bitchy attitude.

So, yeah, none of us are sitting here because we engaged in common sense.

The hard, cold chair digs into my ass and I shift around to get comfortable only to freeze when Mom’s brows flicker.

Shrinking away, I avoid her gaze once more but when my eyes drop to the bed, I move quickly away. He's so pale and lifeless and it's fucking weird, which is why I'm relieved when Dad finally enters the room, his gaze sweeping over Buck in the bed while Mom glares at him from her chair.

Mentally wincing, I nod when Dad kisses my forehead and says, “You look tired, Lala. Go home. There’s nothing you can do here.”

Although glad for the reprieve, I glance at Mom who’s focused solely on Dad, and rise, before stepping away from the bed.

I’m barely through the door though when she hisses, “It was your fucking bastard. I know it.”

Dad’s answering sigh follows me down the hall, where I punch the button for the elevator before stepping inside.

Under normal circumstances, divorce is painful but when you find out that your Dad was shacked up this whole time with another wife and family, well…that puts a new wretched twist on the whole debacle.

Unfortunately, this only took my already broken brother and pushed him deeper into his rage, as though the thin veneer of humanity he was clinging to died along with his faith.

To be fair, he’s never been anything but an asshole, but this was next level shit. Did my brother finally encounter someone that he couldn’t overpower?

I shudder at the thought but refuse to consider the alternative. I love my brother. I do but I don’t like him very much.

Buck took all the pain swirling through his soul and forced it on everyone else, more often in the form of violence, including an altercation, not so long ago, with our half-brother Colt.

Did they fight? Why?

Of course, Buck never said a damn thing about it, and I heard through gossip that Colt beat him up after he attacked some girl, but no one, including Buck would admit it and the subject was dropped, for more important things, like Dad leaving Mom.

That was the turning point that changed literally everything and although Dad tried to come around, see us, Mom barred him at every turn.

Something happened but once again, no one would tell me. I’ve been pushed to the corner of our world and the further I fade away, the harder it is to remain firmly on the ground.

Thoughts of which swirl while I blast my music all the way home in a desperate attempt to drown out the sound of my parents bickering again.

This time though, Mom’s accusations have deeper meaning. Did my half-brother hurt Buck? Once again, why?

Does it matter? If he did, he killed our brother and that’s really freaking horrible.

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