Page 131 of Hate So Deep

Besides, the woman is dead, and I still can’t suppress the brutal press of guilt weighing on my chest.

Why would I care about my now dead mother’s reputation? Who the fuck knows but it’s clear I have a lot of therapy in my future.

The slam of a car door brings me around and I stagger toward the window. Although Celia checks in on me every freaking hour and my dad follows next, for the most part, I’ve been holed up in my room.

It’s hard to fully appreciate what I’ve lost because I’m not sure if I’m mourning her death or what could have been, either way, this shit stings.

It’s only as I gaze out the window at the scene down below…Cat standing in the yard with her mom, waving her hands as she tells some silly story while Celia laughs that I realize, I can’t be here.

Maybe with time but right now, I can’t breathe and the longer I feel this suffocating sensation in my chest, the more I claw at the skin, but nothing eases it.

Fucking nothing.

This is why, after refusing dinner, I wait until everyone is asleep before slipping from my room and tiptoeing down the stairs.

At the base, I glance around but all is quiet and I’m able to escape to my car without being noticed.

I don’t know if I’m even allowed to be at home but when I roll up, no one is there to stop me.

The interior is dark and with a shiver, I turn on the light before closing the door behind me.

If I thought, it was cold and fucking lonely before this is almost unbearable but at least I can breathe and I settle on the couch before pulling a blanket around my shoulders.

Perhaps it’s a sign of my insanity to sit in the very same home that my mother died in but clearly crazy runs in the family.

I’m not sure how long I’m here but when the twin beams of a pair of headlights wash across the room, my neck is stiff when I turn.

Who would bother to come here this late at night?

To my surprise, when I round the wall, I find Dirk entering through the front door. When he pauses in the entryway, I soak in his dangerous beauty before looking away.

“Why are you here?” I ask.

“I just heard,” he says and stalks towards me with a sexy swagger.

“Heard what?” I say, gasping when he picks me up and drops onto the couch.

Grabbing my chin, he says, “I should have been here. I’m sorry.”

I’m starting to get whiplash from the shit he’s pulling, and I don’t know whether to be happy he’s here or enraged that he keeps leading me on.

Either way, I look away and swallow before summoning a wretched smile.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say but when he pulls me close, I close my eyes.

I needed this, for him to hold me. I’m so close to breaking and I don’t know how to hold on any longer.

“I’m so scared,” I whisper, and he hugs me tighter.

“I know, baby girl. I know,” he rasps, and I raise my head, meeting his dark gaze.

As usual, I can’t read his expression but the desire pressing into my core tells me all that I need to know and when I press my mouth to his, he opens on a feral growl that heats me from the inside out.

With Dirk, the numbness around my heart melts away and this is what I crave as I deepen the kiss and ride the ridge of his dick.

“Are you wet for me?” he growls after pulling away and I nod as he sets me gently on the couch before meeting my gaze.

“Show me.”

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