Page 138 of Hate So Deep

“What happened to the baby?” I ask even though I don’t want to know the answer. I shouldn’t be here.

I just bulldozed my way into Dirk’s past without a care for his feelings. Did he love her?

Does he think about the baby, wonder where he or she is?

Is his heart still broken?

Shrugging, Dr. Evans says, “I assume it was aborted but I don’t know, Miss Stark. I guess Dirk never told you?”

“You’re un-fucking-believable,” I hiss as I back once more to the door.

"I just want to have a relationship with my grandchild.”

“Puh-lease,” I sneer. “The only thing you want is money.”

“You’re young and without your mother, these things can be confusing…”

“What is this, blackmail?” I say, waving my hand between us. “Extortion? Newsflash Dr. Evans, I’m rich. I’m filthy fucking richand I’d rather spend every last dime of my money fighting you in court until you’re nothing but a name someone used to know then ever, ever let you threaten me.”

Chapter 50

NOW

Lauren

Maybe it was the coward's way out, but after speaking to Dirk’s dad, I finally understood why he wanted me far away from his life and I let it go. While I would do anything for him, I don’t think he wants me to and that’s the crux of the matter.

If Stacey broke his heart, then his hatred for all things Academy and the “richies” blessed to be a part of it makes sense.

Does he compare me to her? If so, there’s fuck all I can do about it.

What’s even worse is wondering if he’s carried what happened with her into our non-existent relationship because I refuse to compete against a stupid, weak ass bitch.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I got pregnant but what I’ve learned through all the ridiculousness lately is that I may come from wealth but I’m also the girl who was taught through cruelty and disregard how important it is to find what brings you peace and grab on for dear life.

Despite the tenuous situations in which we found ourselves, Dirk was the one that made me feel free.

Now I don’t know what to think but I’m afraid to face the truth. That bitch gave away something she will never find again and while I’m grateful she did, I also don’t know if there’s a way to reconstruct Dirk’s heart if it’s been cruelly broken.

What truly batters my soul when I allow myself to think about it is the fact that Dirk doesn’t know what happened with that pregnancy.

When I look back over the words he spewed when he was at his cruelest, I see where they originate and it’s not pretty.

Of course, he’s never shared the experience with me but it’s clear to see how he feels about the richies, is that because in his mind, Stacey threw him away like yesterday’s trash?

At any rate, I’ve been moping like a complete dick, and I suppose I should be grateful that my family wanted me along, but I can’t push myself from the malaise plaguing me.

With Cat’s birthday a day away, we decided to meet at a swanky restaurant across town before spending the weekend at their resort and enjoying the indoor pool and spa.

Rather than ride together, I packed my shit and drove my own car for an easy escape if I need it. Although things have been better with Colt, there are still times that we butt heads and I’m not in the headspace to be butting anything.

I feel like a feral cat backed into a corner and I’m trying desperately hard not to lash out.

Colt and I have never spoken about my mother’s accusations, but I suspect her death has brought him that last bit of peace he needed to move on.

While I mourn her death quietly because she may have been a soul-sucking bitch, she was still my mom, I understand his relief and do my best to keep everything copacetic.

I haven’t been back to my childhood home since Dirk walked away after proclaiming that he killed my brother.

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