Page 14 of Hate So Deep

At Buck’s room, I pause to glance inside. Strangely, his room is cleaner than I’ve ever seen it and I assume this means Mom came through and tidied it up.

Knowing her, she couldn’t stand the covers on the bed still lying halfway across the floor or the drawers of the dresser standing open.

Buck would be so pissed. He hates it when anyone comes into his room, but I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it?

Still, I feel a kernel of unease as I pass through the threshold before sitting down on the bed.

Buck’s favorite cologne assails my nose and my stomach churns because anymore, I can’t stand the cloying scent that always preceded his angry presence.

Setting aside the disturbing thoughts, I turn to his nightstand and move around the discarded coins and an unused condom before opening the top drawer.

A bong, lighter and two tickets to a concert coming up at the end of the month sit inside.

Across the room, I glance into his closet, eyeing the clothes hung neatly within.

Yeah, Mom definitely cleaned shit up.

“What are you doing?”

Spinning to the door, I drop the lighter from my boneless fingers and whisper, “Mom?”

“What are you doing in here, Lauren?” she barks, and I shrug helplessly.

“I just wanted…”

Her glittering eyes bite into mine when she says, “Get out.”

“Mom–”

“Out. Get . Out.”

She points to the door, and I step toward it with my heart in my throat. At the threshold, I pause though when she says, “It should have been you.”

Frozen, I stare at the wall as a brutal burn starts in my chest and flows down my limbs.

“Whatever happens, just remember it should have been you,” she spits, and I stumble forward.

It should have been you.

How do I pack that shit away?

Christmas break rolls around with a whimper. Buck is still hooked up to machines keeping him alive despite the fact that he’s brain dead.

I’ve avoided my mom as much as possible which means, fuck my life, I’m at Dad’s for their annual tree decorating shit.

Last week at school, I found out through fucking gossip that Buck’s girlfriend Aimee is now considered missing.

Apparently, everyone thought she left with her parents for Europe but when they finally tracked them down, the parents informed the police that she had been left behind.

Of course, no one bothered to tell me and I’m still trying to process what that might mean.

Did someone take Aimee after they beat up my brother? Is she even now somewhere alone and scared and possibly hurt?

I don’t know and it’s this that keeps me constantly on edge. I’m exhausted and feeling downright bitchy when to my dismay, Dirk shows up right after I do, following me into the living room.

Asshole.

The tree, a beautiful, lush fir with sweeping boughs, sits in the corner, ready for the final steps, with the lights carefully situated.

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