Page 20 of Hate So Deep

NOW

Dirk

“What’s going on with you, bro?” Colt asks and I eye him sideways.

Today, Colt and I are doing final fittings for our tuxes. Unfortunately, my head is not in the game.

However, if I don’t pull it out of my ass, Colt is going to sniff out shit that he doesn’t need to be involved in.

“Nothing,” I mutter and his brows rise.

Of course, he’s known me since we were five fucking years old, so he doesn’t accept my avoidance and says, “Is this about Buck?”

Where the fuck did that come from?

Glancing back, I scan his dark tuxedo with matching tie, and inexplicably warmth for my brother who is finally going to find his peace floods through my system.

It was a long road for him and Finn, which even I could see, although for a time, he refused to, was inevitable. Luckily, Finn’s a fighter and she took what he gave and spit it right back at him.

Colt’s road hasn’t been easy and, in the end, neither was Finn’s which makes this happily ever after perfect for them.

As for me, I’d rather claw my eyes out with a fork than ever tie myself to one person for eternity.

Just the thought makes me shudder.

“Well?” Colt asks, slapping my shoulder.

“The fuck you talking about?” I mutter and he cocks his head.

Shit. Real slick dumbass.

Maybe you should just wave a red flag in front of his face.

Ignoring the kernel of annoyance sliding down my spine, I wave my hand and say, “Why would I care about Buck? Fucker’s dead.”

Silence drops between us, and I avoid his gaze because I know he can read everything that I’ve ever thought, and he’s probably already translated it in his head.

Asshole.

“Did you, do it?" he finally asks, and this is when I swing around and cross my arms.

“Do what?” I ask and he curls his lip.

“You know as slick as you think you are, something is going on and you might as well tell me cuz I’ll figure it out eventually.”

But I can’t tell my friend. I can’t tell anyone.

I made my bed and now I have to lay in it, which is a stupid fucking saying, but whatever it makes sense, I guess in this scenario.

Either way I did what I did. I can’t take it back and I’m not bringing these people down with me.

Colt deserves to be happy and so does Finn, especially after what that crazy fucker, Ramie’s brother, did to them.

While it’s not in my nature to brood over the shit I can’t change, I do regret that there are times when I included people that didn’t need to be.

I was the asshole using people to feed a fucking need that still remains empty and I’m sure a psychiatrist would have a field day with that, but I refuse to allow the darkness bubbling in my veins to boil over when my friends have found the light.

This is why I’m leaving but none of them know that, and they don’t need to.

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