Page 30 of Hate So Deep

Maybe it was a mistake to search out Dirk here because now I’ve sent a message that didn’t even occur to me. I don’t care about Colt or his wedding but that’s the exact opposite of what I’ve done by showing up at this stupid party.

“Sweetheart,” Dad says, and I mentally wince before stretching my lips into another grotesque smile.

When Celia’s brows rise and she coughs into her hand, I eye her quietly.

Is she amused? Good.

At least someone can find something to laugh about because right about now, this is achingly fucking tragic and I’m quite sure it’s only going to get worse.

“I’m so glad you’re here. How’s your mom?” Dad asks, and I consider her frail form sitting just feet from the room she tore apart before saying, “She’s fine.”

Will anything ever be normal again?

After lying through my teeth, Dad starts to ramble and I look away, meeting Dirk’s dark gaze.

His narrowed eyes meet mine but beyond the pulse of my heart telling me to let this shit go, I’ve got nothing because my life is too fucking complicated to worry about the asshole or the lush redhead by his side, or so I tell myself.

“. . . good,” Dad says, and I tune back into his conversation as he leads me toward Colt and Finn.

As soon as Colt glances up, his brows furrow and I search his gaze before giving this shit up too. He can hate me all he wants but the fact remains he was nothing but a wet dream until our father decided to make it a reality.

The outcome may suck but he’s not to blame for our parents' seriously bad choices any more than I am and sticking it out in some kind of misguided attempt to be loyal to my mother has gotten me exactly nowhere.

The woman won’t even look at me and I’ve been questioned by the cops surrounding my brother’s attack.

There’s also the matter of the blood-soaked shirt and what the hell happened that night and I simply do not have it in me to fight anymore.

I’m so fucking tired.

“We’re so glad you came, Lala,” Finn says with a bright smile, breaking me from my macabre thoughts.

“Hey, um, congratulations,” I mumble, and she slides her arm through mine.

“C’mon, I’m starving, and they just put the food out.”

The way my stomach churns, I’m not sure I can add to the mix by putting actual food in there but Finn’s immune to my dismay.

Ignoring Colt’s frown because—what’s new—I follow her to the buffet line.

My mind races as we fill up our plates before she nods to a table, and I sit beside her.

It’s quiet for a few minutes while we eat, or I push my food around before she eyes me and says, “I heard a rumor, you know.”

“Oh?” I ask stiffly. This could be any number of things but what she says next has me turning in my chair.

“About you and Dirk.”

“Did he tell you?” I blurt and she rears back, shaking her head.

“Who? Dirk? Well, no.”

Of course, he didn’t because then he would have to admit that even for a few fucking minutes, he wanted me…chose me.

With a bitter laugh, I drop my fork on the plate. I’m not fucking hungry and frankly, I’m afraid I might actually puke if I keep going.

All of which, Finn is unaware of as she says, “Look, I don’t know what happened, but I see the way he looks at you.”

I seek him out in the crowd and silently groan at the sight of him and his new girl together across the room. How long has he been dating her?

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