Page 187 of Phoenix's Fire

Callah

Imade my way back to my room in what felt like a daze. The further I got from the dining hall, the more whispers I heard. Girls lingered in the halls, clustered in groups as they all discussed what the news meant for us. Most of them looked at me, falling silent as I passed.

I made it nearly to my door when Ms. Lawton called out, "Callah? A moment, if you would?"

I paused right in front of my room and waited for her. The problem was I couldn't think of anything to say. This was real. All of this was happening, which meant Tobias hadn't lied, but was he trying to catch me at something? If so, he had all the proof already, so this was real. This was happening - and it was all too fast!

"Hey," Ms. Lawton breathed, reaching up to chafe my arm. "I saw your proposal. Are you planning to accept?"

"I..." I tried to shrug and shake my head at the same time. "I was supposed to have another month!"

"I know," she said. "I also know the elders spoke to me right before dinner. Women who are being courted will be given the option of the men they have, or any boy eighteen or older. If you have someone else in mind..."

"No," I breathed.

"And you're not satisfied with Mr. Warren?" she asked.

"I just..."

"Because," she went on, "if you do not accept him, other men will ask. Callah, because of your age, you will be married on the Day of the Seven Trumpets. There will be at least ten weddings each week, but no more than twenty. You're the eighth from turning, so you will be on the first day. I need to know if I should allow other men to court you."

"No," I finally said, making my decision on the spot. "I'm pleased with Tobias, just shocked."

"He is a good man," she assured me. "As a hunter, he will be able to offer you privileges you wouldn't get with another man. Hopefully, that means you will be able to share the bounty with the other wives." She tilted her head slightly, almost as if asking whether I understood her double meaning.

"I know," I assured her. "I do, I just feel like I'm going to wake up soon - like this is some horrible dream. I don't even have a dress!"

"Mrs. Hinton and Mrs. Porter are already working on that," she said with a proud smile. "They asked me for your size a few days ago. White cloth is short currently, and I know you're fond of yellow. Will that be acceptable?"

"Yes, ma'am," I breathed, feeling something inside me relax a little.

"Good," she said. "And if you feel gracious, the younger girls are suffering even more shock. If you can let me know about anyone who is taking this harder than expected?" She gently smoothed back a tendril of hair from my brow. "I can't protect you girls from everything, but I want to at least make sure you're ready."

"I'll try," I promised. "I'm sorry, Ms. Lawton, I'm just so shocked myself."

"Go," she said, jerking her chin toward my door. "If Tobias comes, should I tell him you're busy tonight?"

"Yes, please," I told her. "And Ms. Lawton? Thank you for making us feel like we aren't insane for our fears."

"I cannot do much, but I do what I can," she said before stepping away. "As we all should."

Those words stuck with me as I secured my door behind me. Stripping out of my smock, I flopped down on my bed and waited for the tears to come - but they didn't. I wasn't shocked enough, or horrified. I'd known this was coming, and while I was scared, I'd been braced for it.

In the halls around me, I could hear smothered sobs and soft wailing. There were too many shushes to go with them, as if our very emotions were something we should be ashamed of. And while a part of me wanted to go out and reassure those girls that it would all be okay, it would be nothing more than a lie.

This wouldn't be okay. Tobias was training with grenades? I hadn't even known there Righteous had any - or were we making them? Weren't those weapons of war? Hadn't God insisted we should forgo such things in a quest to repair the world? Then again, Dragons weren't beasts, but people. Tobias had actuallyspokento the Wyvern. He'd also said they were the meat we were all eating.

I hadn't wanted to think about that, and now I couldn't stop. If Dragons were people, and we ate people, then why weren't the deceased being butchered to feed the compound? Wasn't that just as disgusting?

Or were they?

I knew the interred were offered to the compost, which then fed the fungus. But offered wasn't the same as given. So many funerals were private now, and when my own mother had died, I'd barely been old enough to attend. My father had held me as we looked over the earth she was placed onto.

She hadn't been covered by it. Had they removed her body after we'd left? Could they be doing that to others? And if they were, we wouldn't have a clue! Like the hunters, I was sure the fungus farmers and coroners would be trained to keep their own secrets. Things everyone else was too soft or foolish to understand. Things that were turned into euphemisms to hide the disgusting acts we'd resorted to!

That was why I despised meat. I didn't care if we never had it again! I hadn't eaten it since I was a very young girl, and I had no intention of starting again. I'd simply say I was being conscientious of the men who needed it more or something. No one would care, and I was sure I'd never be able to swallow that stuff now that I knew about it.

But the one thing I was holding on to was how Tobias had called this place Hell. I knew he was miserable. He'd told me so over and over - or he was a very good liar. Sadly, I couldn't rule that out. And while I wanted to say he wasn't, how long had that man pretended to be an idiot? Hewasgood at lying, and I couldn't trust him.

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