Page 198 of Phoenix's Fire

"Yes, ma'am," I mumbled.

Yet her eyes had dropped to my waist. "Is the child his?"

My heart hung. If I said yes, would she refuse to end my marriage? Would they do something to me? Make me wait until the baby was here? Send me back?!

"It is," Lessa answered for me. "She doesn't want him to have parental rights, though, so she won't be listing him as the father."

"Well, that makes filling this out easier," the woman said.

But my heart was still pounding too hard. My chest hurt from the ache of it. This was Gideon's child. His, and he had a right to it. If he ever found out we were alive, then what? And what would I tell the child? I couldn't give the child stories of how I'd loved him, because I never really had.

I'd liked the idea of a good marriage. I'd liked that he was handsome and doted on me. I'd barely known him, though! He was a man, and stern, and punished me to make me behave even when I was already doing my best. If I just told the child his name, would that be enough? Or would I have to explain how much he'd hurt me?

"Okay," the woman said. "Now, as a refugee, you don't have a sign, so I'll need you to just sign your name here."

"First name only," Lessa told me. "We don't have last names."

"You don't?" That was surprising enough to snap me out of the panic I was trying to have.

She shook her head. "Our name and our sign. That's all."

So I picked up the pen and signed my first name, then passed it back. The woman stamped the paper, crimped it with a device, and then wrote something down on another set of papers. When she was done, she slid the first paper back towards me.

"And this is your copy. If you sign here, you're officially a single woman again." Her clawed finger tapped a line with an X beside it.

I hurried to sign, then looked over the paper she'd given me. It was simple, stating only that it was a certificate of a dissolution of marriage. My name was there, but Gideon's wasn't. Instead, it only said foreign male.

"It's not even his name," I mumbled, looking up at Lessa.

"Rymar said it would be better like this," Lessa assured me. "No need to give Gideon any rights in Lorsa at all. He's nothing more than a foreign male. And now, we're done. Ready to head to my place and get some work done?"

I looked at the woman behind the counter. "Thank you!"

"You are very welcome, Merienne," she said. "Congratulations on your new life here in Lorsa."

I felt like I was weightless. Like I was floating. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face even as Lessa turned me to the door and guided me out. But as we turned into the hall, a child ran smack into me, making me stumble back.

"I told you not to run ahead!" a woman barked.

The child was a tailless boy barely old enough to be able to run. Three? Maybe? His hair was a dusty brown, his skin was tawny, but when he looked up at me, he had bright blue eyes. Eyes like mine. Eyes like everyone in the compound.

"No," I breathed, backing away.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Lessa breathed, hugging me against her. "It's just a little boy. He didn't mean to."

"Sermal, get over here!" the child's mother snapped as she hurried forward with another child clinging to her hand and a toddler on her hip. "Tell the lady you're sorry."

"No!" the kid said, looking defiant.

"I need to go," I told Lessa.

"It's fine," Lessa told the mother, hurrying me past her. "Accidents happen!" And she guided me right past her, through the halls, and all the way outside quickly enough that I felt myself breathing faster. Shallower.

Pale eyes. Defiant eyes.Moleeyes. My brain was stuck on a loop of how many times I'd cowered before eyes like that. The pain that had come after. The reminders that I was his, would always be his, and my only job was to give himchildren!

"Meri?" she asked once we were outside. "Are you okay? Is it the baby? Labor?"

I shook my head. "This baby's going to look like Gideon, and I'll always see him staring at me, and I'll never be able to getridof him. They just ended my marriage, but he still owns me. He made me have his baby, and it's part of him, and I don't want this!"

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