Page 241 of Phoenix's Fire

Which made me rub my stomach. "Like finding myself?"

"Like life," she said. "Because here's the thing. No one can live your life for you, so all you can do is try to pick a path that makesyouhappy. Fuck anyone who doesn't like it. Because if they would rather have you miserable and agreeing with them than happy and making up your own mind? Well, then they aren't worth your time, so fuck 'em."

"Huh." I smoothed down my dress, then turned back for the machine. "That actually helped, Lessa."

"It did?"

I nodded. "If they only like me when I'm not myself, then they aren't someone I should care about."

"Exactly," she agreed. "And so you know, I like everything I've seen so far."

I reached for the fabric, but I was smiling - a lot. "I like you too, Lessa. You make me feel like it's okay to be me."

Seventy-Five

Tobias

The orders were confirmed. Our kits had been made. The carts had been adjusted to carry back wounded as well as our "harvest." Everything was in order to leave before the compound lights came on in the morning. That meant I needed to say goodbye to Callah.

I wasn't the only man worried about his intended, or that I wouldn't make it back. With the recent announcement given in the dining hall, the pressure on us men to marry had also increased. It was different, though. We were reminded of how nice it would be to have a clean home when we returned wounded, or how pleasing it would be to have gentle hands to care for us while we healed.

My problem was that most of us wouldn't come back.Imight not - and if I didn't, I had no clue what would happen to Callah. Would they give her time to meet someone else? Would the council assign her a husband? If so, I hoped she stabbed him hard enough to kill him!

That was spinning through my mind as I rapped on her door. "Just a minute!" she called from the other side.

But when she opened the door, all of my fears faded away. Her hair was down and loose. I'd never seen it like that before, and it looked good on her. I could feel my stupid face heating up, so I glanced away.

"Um, I was hoping we could walk," I mumbled.

"It's not even dinnertime," she said, sounding a little surprised.

"Before dinner, I meant." I shifted awkwardly. "Callah, we leave in the morning."

Her shoulders slumped. "Oh. Let me put myself together."

And she turned back, leaving the door open. As I watched, she reached up and divided her hair by feel, swirling the strands around each other in a pattern she clearly knew well, but which looked like magic to me. When the braid reached theend of her long pink hair, she curled the rope of it around itself into a proper bun, then picked up a tie from her dresser and secured it all.

"What?" she asked, giving me a confused look.

"I've never seen a woman do her hair before," I admitted.

She giggled, then pulled open a drawer. "Well, if you're leaving, then I have a token for you. Something so you won't forget me."

I quickly glanced up and down the hall. Seeing no one around, I dared to cross over the threshold, but only barely into her room. More in the doorway than anything, but I knew this would be considered improper. It also allowed me to see all the walls of her room.

She closed the drawer and turned with something in her hands, but stopped hard. "Tobias!"

"I just wanted to see what the girls' rooms look like," I explained, backing up a little. "You know, in case anyone asks."

"Ah." She hurried over, pressing a bundle of yellow cloth into my palm, but it was hard. Oh, the cloth was wrapped around something. A letter, clearly, but it seemed to be a very thick one.

"Put that away," she whispered.

I shoved it into my pocket.

Then she pressed me back. "And while I may have agreed to your proposal, Tobias, that does not mean I'll allow you to be indecent before the vows are said." She reached back to close her door, then turned me up the hall, taking my arm. "But you can take me to the wishing well."

"I don't think that will be a very private place today," I pointed out. "We were all encouraged to remind our girls that we'll come back."

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