Page 47 of Phoenix's Fire

The sun was just starting to set when Rymar returned to walk me home. As wemade our way back, I told him all about Meri and how she was doing. Scared, yes, but she was adapting faster than I had. Probably because we could actually explain things to her. I'd been stuck with a language barrier.

But as I talked, my mind spun. I'd tried to tell Meri about quarantine, and while she did believe me about my mother, she kept trying to explain it away. She wasn't ready for the truth. Maybe some part of her was still hoping this was all a nightmare she'd wake up from?

I didn't know, but Zasen was right. Meri might know something. She could have information that would help us stop the Moles forever. Sadly, she'd avoided anything that had to do with Gideon, so I hadn't pushed. Just trying to accept Jeera and Brielle was currently a lot for her to handle. The horrors that were still coming?

They might break her.

I still had to tell her. The guys were right; Meri deserved to know why the Moles came here. She needed the chance to brace for what was coming. Hiding it from her wouldn't help at all, but neither would blindsiding her with it. Not if I wanted any information from her! Hopefully, I could eventually convince her this was all just one more lie the Righteous men had told her, but I had a feeling it would be worse when she found out what she'd been eating.

Since coming here, I'd learned enough different foods to identify a lot of the things we'd been fed back then. The vegetables had been mostly lettuce, beans, and grains. Barley and wheat, I was pretty sure, but there may have been oats as well. The tubers had been regular potatoes. The fungus was called a mushroom, but there were many kinds of those.

The meat was from men.

That was the biggest lie of all. It was why the Moles didn't want the women to see the carcasses until they were butchered and the meat had been cut from the bones. They claimed it was because women wouldn't be able to handle the blood, but I now knew better. They didn't want us to question why the meat fought back, to realize our men were the ones doing the attacking - not the other way around - or to even question the goodness of the Righteous. Because the men who called themselves that were the furthest thing from it.

Twice, as we walked, Rymar asked if I was okay. Once, he asked if Meri was still scared. I tried to answer him, yet I kept falling silent due to my thoughts. The man kept glancing over or even rubbing my shoulder in support. So once we made it back home, I decided this was one of those things I couldn't figure out on my own.

"Rymar?" I asked. "Can I talk to you? All of you?"

"Guys!" he bellowed.

I cringed, making him chuckle, but then he gestured for me to claim a seat. I took my usual chair while he headed into the kitchen. Zasen came out of his room and said he was glad I was back. Kanik came downstairs saying he'd missed me. Then Rymar returned from the kitchen to press a tall glass of cold tea into my hands.

"What's going on?" he asked, moving to sit on the couch beside Kanik.

I took a small sip, then decided there was no nice way to bring this up. "I feel like I'm lying to Meri about the Moles and I don't know what to do."

"Why do you feel like you're lying?" Zasen asked.

"Because when I tried to tell her about quarantine, she made excuses," I explained. "She tried to convince me it was only my mother, and when I brought up how women had been taken, she thought I was wrong. She insisted the Righteous wouldn't do that." I glanced down and added, "I didn't mention what we were fed."

"You don't want to tell her yet," Kanik realized.

Which made me grimace. "Meri's gentle," I told them. "She'd be horrified, and she's pregnant. I don't want to hurt the baby."

Rymar flicked a finger up. "How?"

"Stress," Zasen answered for me. "There's no prenatal care down there, so I'm sure high stress caused complications."

"And malnutrition," Kanik grumbled.

"And abuse!" Rymar nearly spat. "Ayla, I think stress is the least of the problems women face down there. I'm sure being smacked around by their husbands does a lot more damage."

"So upsetting her won't make her lose the baby?" I asked.

Zasen murmured at that. "Unlikely. With that said, she's in a fragile state right now because she's very underfed. Ayla, the baby takes nutrients, and you women aren't given enough. That means Meri's starving herself to grow her child. Her muscles are weak, and that can cause problems with the labor process."

"Oh."

"We'll take care of her," he assured me, "but she is fragile, and you need to understand that. You were too when we found you, but you've gained weight and muscle in the last few weeks."

"So I shouldn't tell her?" I asked.

"You have to," Kanik countered.

"You do," Zasen agreed. "The shock of Meri finding out like you did? It would be so much worse for her. I also think you women are a lot stronger than you've ever been allowed to believe."

"You survived the abuse," Rymar said gently. "Meri too. Both of you spent your entire lives being hurt and terrified every single day. I couldn't do that. Zasen can't even do that. Kanik? Well, he chose to be a teacher."

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