Page 104 of Rebellious Royals

I'm not you!I screamed back at him.I don't react to everything with rage, Tor. That's why I'm in the shower, because I wanted a moment to actually grieve this girl. She deserves that much, and I can give it to her.

Carol Dumont was a weak enticer, twenty-one years old, and from the foster system.Which meant he'd looked into her too.She made average grades, didn't have a lover, and was only half fae. She often made poor grades because she didn't want to show her magic in front of others.

Because it was white, I realized.

So fix that!he growled back.

Instead, I pushed my head under the water and let the stream of it hide the tears I let fall. That poor girl! How often had she been bullied because of her magic? Had she been ostracized because of it? Had it made it hard for her to find a partner? Did she have friends?

That doesn't help, Torian reminded me.

It helps me!I told him.Now stop trying to make me lash out the way you want, and actually listen to me. This helps me. I don't want to be a queen like your mother, ok? I don't want to think of people as responsibilities that can make me stronger. I don't want to look at the world as nothing more than successes and failures, Tor. I want to love, and enjoy. I want to actually feel things, even when they hurt.

No, you don't.

You might not,I shot back,but I do. I am not you. I don't have to push everything away to keep my sanity. I don't have to always face a challenge. I don't need to detach from it all because I'm scared that getting close will break me!

I won't break, he replied a little too fast.

So do you know every one of your 'subjects'?

Of course not. There's more of us. I also don't have any intention of crying for someone I didn't know. I didn't weep over Fin.

Because you won't let anyone in, I reminded him.

You're in. I think this counts as being in.

What about Rain?I asked.You could be friends with her, but you try so hard to keep it shallow. Wilder? Even now, the two of you have a distance between you. What about Keir?

Hawke, he offered as his answer.

You were desperate and confused,I said.Hawke helped you. You didn't let him in; he lifted you up. Not the same.

So you'd rather I spend my time crying over people I don't know?he asked.What does that accomplish, Asp?

It's called empathy, I explained.It reminds you that these people, even the ones we don't know, have lives, and loves, and families out there. They had hopes and dreams, Tor. These people wanted things. Some of them, like Carol, had it all cut short because of something she couldn't control, and that sucks!

Life sucks.

Shut up and listen to me!I yelled into his head. Immediately, I felt his thoughts calm.Carol had potential. She had centuries of life ahead of her. She'd found her place, and we only just announced who we are. She wasn't alone, but she didn't have the chance to do more than hear a rumor about it before she was killed. And why?

Because people are cruel, he replied.

No, because we were scared. Because we were trying to be careful. Because we, Torian, put ourselves first. Our lives had to be protected, but what about hers? I hated the idea of taking the crown because I knew it came with responsibilities. I wanted to be a nobody just a little longer. To have the chance to giggle with my girlfriend and do stupid things while it still didn't matter, but that's gone now, and Carol paid the price for my greed.

You're not greedy, he hurried to assure me.

Everyone is a little greedy, I countered.

Aspen, open the door.

I slicked the water off my face.I'm in the shower.

Then get out and open the door.

I haven't even washed my hair.

His next words came back intensely.I don't care about your hair, Aspen. Open the fucking door!

---