Page 93 of Rebellious Royals

"Why so?"

"Why's it weird with Hawke?" he countered.

"Because it's easier with guys," I explained. "I mean, I know how to date guys. Make out with them, get all giddy because they make me feel beautiful, maybe have sex - or maybe not. Hold hands, make out some more, and that's about it."

"But?" he asked.

"But it's not like that with Aspen, and we're kinda taking it slow. That means I feel like I'm not being fair to her if she gets me all hot and bothered so I go fuck some guy!"

He lifted a brow. "You're fucking Keir?"

"No! But I mean, that's kinda why. If I'd never met Aspen, I'd probably be fucking him by now. But I did meet Aspen, and I'm glad for it, but..."

"It's weird," he said for me, showing he understood. "I have never found a man to be appealing."

"But you think Keir is?"

He clenched his jaw, making that muscle on the side bunch up. "I don't know."

"Ah, and you're confused about it?"

"It doesn't matter, so I don't exactly think about it."

And all the levity in the room faded with that one line. I also understood what he meant. I'd moved too many times to worry about guys at my last few schools. Sure, I noticed them, butI never bothered to figure out if they were decent guys or not because I knew I'd move before anything happened. Instead, I'd appreciated their appearance and then forgot them when they were out of sight.

"But if we're fighting differently, then could it matter?" I asked. "And with that in mind, even if we fail, wouldn't it be nice to have lived a little before your mother kills all of us?"

His brow creased. "What do you mean?"

And now I had him. "Tor, I mean that if you go down, we're going down with you. That's howthiscourt works. That's what it means when you say this isonecourt. We stand with each other. Win or lose, we'll do it as a group - because we're changing things."

For a little too long, he was silent. Thinking, I was pretty sure, and when he finally did respond, it was soft, almost like he was testing the idea. "We're making a new and better balance."

My breath rushed out. "Fuck."

"And that's how I've been feeling," he said. "I have this big purpose I can't carry, but I also don't dare fail at. My first memory is of my mother saying I would bring Winter down, and for years, I've known that was the only reason I was here." He chuckled once. "Then this spunky human girl sits down in my room and rephrases it so I can actually deal with this."

"Everyone says I'm supposed to bring balance," I said.

He tilted his head, watching me carefully. "No one said you had to do it alone, right?"

"Right."

"But what happens if you fail?"

"Shit," I breathed, seeing his point.

Torian just nodded. "And now you understand how I've been feeling. I have to choose between either an impossible task or doing something I'd hate. Success sounds impossible, but tryingis all I can do, even if it tears me apart, because failing is too terrifying to contemplate."

"And you're still not alone," I reminded him. "See, that's the thing I've been holding on to."

He paused to lick his lips. "I will always stand with you, Rain le Fae."

"And I will stand with you, Your Highness," I told him. "And with Torian Hunt, even when you piss me off. It's what friends do, right?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Let's make sure of it."

Chapter Twenty-Eight

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