Page 75 of When London Snow Falls

His laugh is easy. It’s impossible not to smile back. “In a second. I’ll go in as your expert negotiator anytime. Just tell me who needs to be set right. I’ll do it in a second.”

“I’ll give you a list of names when the time comes.” I work on my latte in the hand-thrown ceramic mug. Blue glaze runs down its sides. “You have any resolutions?”

Ben considers me over his drink. “The big personal goal is to not start smoking again. Bad habit. Especially with the tour coming up. It’s so easy to fall into bad habits. I resolve to avoid bad habits and self-sabotage, like being too impulsive and maybe a wee bit overconfident. How’s that?”

“Noble,” I say, smiling. “I’ll follow your lead with that. Except I don’t have the overconfidence problem, I don’t think.”

“You’ve got just the right amount of confidence,” Ben assures me. “A charming amount.”

I have to laugh at that. “Maybe sometimes.”

“Always.” The way he smiles at me makes me feel warm from the inside out. Like he’s got complete faith. Like I’m special, and wanted, and cared for.

“Any other goals? You said personal goals, which makes me thing there might be more.”

Ben flashes a jubilant grin. “Aye, you’re right. Professionally, I want Halfpenny Rise to make it big this year. Like, awards contender big. And that our gigs will sell out and the tour will be extended. And we’ll record a new album later this year, be one of the top UK bands by next year. I want to say we’ll be the best, but there’s some fierce competition out there.”

“Wow.”

“We’ll see what’s in the cards. Though admittedly I like them stacked in my favor.” Ben chuckles.

I look at him, suitably impressed. And also daunted, because as Gillian put it, Papa Charlie versus award show galas and all of that don’t go together so well. Yet I want Ben, more than I care to admit even to myself. Because the idea of not having Ben in my life is more terrible than trying to figure out a way between our different set of goals.

The scary part is—what happens now? We’ve met the first date challenge. I didn’t die of angst over it, didn’t implode. But now there’s the big blank space of what happens after. And…I’m into having something with Ben after. I don’t have a script for that. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel after New Year’s, like maybe we’d be sick of each other by January, but it’s not like that at all.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” I pull out of my reverie as we watch the people pass by on the pavement outside. The café hums with patrons, but it’s not as loud as my café back in Soho.

“Anything.” Ben peers at me over his drink, fingers wrapped around the mug, his elbow against the oak bar as he gazes at me. It’s like we’re any other couple doing couple stuff. Which leads me to the next thing.

“I had a text from my brother, Michael. He got engaged to his girlfriend at Christmas, and he’s invited me to their engagement dinner. And…you said before that you wanted to meet my family, despite everything. You’ll be away for my mother’s birthday. It’s probably a bad date idea, but do you…want to come with me? As my date?”

I say these words and the universe, weirdly, doesn’t implode. No lightning bolt strikes me down.

Ben brightens, obviously pleased. “Absolutely, Charlie. I’d love to. I’d be thrilled to go with you.”

“It’ll probably be wretchedly dull and all of that,” I warn him. “Michael’s cool, but…I don’t get on with my parents. It’s kind of an oil and water situation. No matter how much I try. If you come, maybe they’ll see I have my life together more than they think. And…get the picture that I’m not straight. I’m hoping though all of the attention will be on Michael and Jenna. And it was his idea to invite you. I, er, mentioned you to him at Christmas.”

He entwines his fingers with mine. “Aww, that’s lovely that you did. And that someone’s on your side in your family.”

“Well, you’re important to me. And…well, I want you to stick around, you know?”

Ben leans in to kiss me. “That’d be brilliant to keep dating you. And to meet your family.”

It turns out that the day is all kisses, guaranteeing wind-chapped lips by evening. Well worth it. Nighttime finds us on the rattle of a tin can train back to London, brimming with the hungover and sleepless from the parties from the night before. We’re in the quiet carriage. Our phones are dutifully on silent, and the only sounds around us are the hum of the train and the rustle of newspapers. Ben dozes on my shoulder. We share headphones to listen to the playlist I made for him. He’s fucking adorable. His head bobbed off and on as he fell asleep over the course of fifteen minutes before sleep finally took him.

As we near London, nerves start to gnaw on me.

My gig’s a few short nights away. I’ve neglected to remind Ben about that. There’s no end to the vulnerabilities today, between the invite to Michael and Jenna’s engagement party and the show. A not-so-secret part of me hopes he forgets about the gig. He may have seen me play before, but I didn’t know he was watching then. And he’s so damned good at what he does, I can’t help but feel a pale comparison.

I have nerves about what happens next with Ben. I have no kind of proper dating experience. The whole idea is enough to make me break out in a cold sweat, which isn’t attractive.

When we’re out on the concourse at Victoria Station, it’s hard to believe it was a week ago I was here in a flood of tears and a full-blown mess. Now, there’s a completeness and comfort that I didn’t know I was missing till now.

We gaze at each other, neither one of us wanting to break the spell as reality laps at our ankles like an incoming tide. Ben’s sleepy from his evening nap against my shoulder, looking deliciously rumpled. It would be so easy to make-believe, to pick up where we left off in Brighton, all tangled limbs and urgency.

But he needs to get to Marylebone. I need to get to Finsbury Park. The real world waits for us after our holiday. Whether we want to or not, it’s time to escape this snowy fantasy and rejoin regular life. And find out, for better or worse, if there’s a way to make this work between us for a while longer yet.

“What does tomorrow have in store for you, then?” asks Ben as we stall before entering the Underground for different directions home.

---