Page 7 of Ciao, Amore

“What did Year Zero entail?” he asked with a grin.

“Dates. Lots and lots of dates. Some great, some awful. Some just fucking bizarre. And kinda funny, honestly.”

“For example?” Nico took a bite of pie, and she paused, looking at his mouth. She really should stop doing that, imagining what his lips would feel like tasting her.

“Well, for example, the holiday app your brother used. I went on three dates from it—a Saint Patrick’s office party down at the Irish Center, a Presidents’ Day bash with a local politician, and an ex-girlfriend’s wedding in June. The guys had been nice, and right when I thought things were clicking…epic fails. I found Irish Office Party in a closet, making out with his two managers. Mr. Political ended the night extremely intoxicated on scotch and a line of coke, crying and throwing up on my new shoes.”

Nico’s unreserved laughter was even more intoxicating than liquor, sending a burst of pleasure through her.

“That sounds like a guy I should definitely vote for. What else?”

“The ex-boyfriend eloped with not-ex-girlfriend-enough right before the ceremony, leaving me to accept a ride from the bitter groom. Bitter Groom then tried to fuck me in his car before dumping my ass on 125thStreet. It was my last straw. I’d already started making moves to change my life, but that was the night I finally let go of the marriage and babies thing once and for all. Relax and release, know what I’m sayin’?”

There was a twinge of sadness in Nico’s answering expression when he nodded, one that matched the quiet throb inside her. Admitting she’d given up was hard, but after what he’d confided in her, she felt sure he could relate. Somehow it comforted her to know she wasn’t the only one.

Ooh, we’re adding a little trauma bonding to the mix? The brew was now even tastier.

“I’m guessing this is where Milan comes into the picture. Why Milan?” he asked.

“Because I’m calling my new life strategy the Plan of Fuck it, Why Not? So…” They spoke together, “fuck it, why not Milan?”

Nico laughed. “Okay, I’m gonna need to borrow that.”

“Be my guest.”

“What about work? It’s not easy for foreigners to pop in and get a good-paying job over there.”

Nico’s full attention was on her. It was equal parts daunting and delicious to be on the receiving end of such focus.

“I work for a company that has an office in Milan, among other places. Travel agency. I’ve been working for the branch in Washington Heights since I graduated from college, but I got a promotion to the upscale branch in Midtown this year. They said I could go wherever, and they’d get my visa for me. It just came through.”

“Wow,” Nico said, eyebrows raised. “What does your family think about the move?”

“They’re not happy.” It’s all she wanted to say about that—all she could say without sounding selfish.

Nico’s nod was accompanied by a deep sigh. “Yeah, I hear that. I guess you’re moving to Italy hoping to find that true love.” He paused while she pretended there were no heat blooms scorching her body. That dark-blue gaze, sparks of emerald and gold at the center, searched her face. Quietly, he asked, “Is that why you contacted me? Or who you thought was me?”

That question was too personal. It set off a trembling in her stomach that she needed to ignore. She had to try and not think about how hard her solo orgasms had been lately because of him.

“Believe it or not, it was my friend Jade who contacted you—or your brother. I put her in charge of finding my dates because I clearly couldn’t pick the right guy on my own,” Dani said.

“But youaregoing to Italy to fall in love.”

Why was he persisting on that point? He was getting way too personal. She didn’t like explaining herself to most people, but with him, inexplicably, it was hard not to want to share. Great listeners were hard to come by.

“I’m not looking for love anymore. It’s a fantasy. I mean, I know it’s real, because my parents have a great marriage. My godparents, my sister and her husband. During Year Zero, I tried so hard to make it happen, changed up my opinions, my attitude, my style, trying to be that person worthy of love. None of it worked. It was exhausting and just made me feel bad about myself. One day, I had to ask myself, do I even want this if it makes me feel like that? And I decided the answer was no. I do still want to fall in love, but with myself.”

His eyes touched her face in a way that was more disturbingly intimate than any fantasy she’d had about using his body.

“I get it. Love yourself and someone else will love you too,” he mused.

“No,” she said with a short laugh. “I’m not trying to trick the Universe. I want to be genuinely content with my life.”

Nico grinned with such softness, something close to tenderness. “So, we’ve got a heartless asshole and a wandering soul seeking inner peace. We sound like a real couple of winners.” His rueful half smile could have lit up the world, the way it was lighting her up inside, warming every misunderstood bit of her inch by inch. “But do you really need to go as far as Italy to figure your shit out? Couldn’t you do that right here? They say wherever you go, there you are, right?”

Dani exhaled and grinned. “They do say that, and I get it, but I need something big to change. Like,big. My family and my friends love me and support me, but it’s even harder to change when everybody treats you with the same expectations. But, I’ve got to admit, I am kinda scared to go alone. That’s why I answered you…well, your brother. But since it was really your brother’s idea and not yours, it looks like I’m going straight to Milan by myself in October after all. I’ll be okay.”

She offered him a grateful smile. “Well. There’s my fabulous tale. It was cool talking to you, Nico. Even if I had to get catfished. For what it’s worth, your brother sounds like he cares about you. Shady as hell but caring. Keep an eye on that one. Let me give you my share for today.”

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