Page 83 of Ciao, Amore

He continued after taking a long sip as if he needed it for courage. “I tried so hard to feel something, anything, but I couldn’t. But you know me, determined. I was down to marry Tracy despite that because it was time, like you said. I wanted to get married, I wanted kids, and I didn’t care that I didn’t love her because she checked the boxes. We grew up in the same neighborhood, our families were already friends. But when Tracy met that guy, she said she finally understood what was missing with us. She said I was going to trap her in a loveless marriage. That I was dead inside, incapable of making anybody truly happy.”

Dani’s heart hurt for him. “That’s a fucked-up thing to say. And not true.”

“Yeah, but it fucked with my head. I’d heard it before. All those other girls left me because they sensed I didn’t care about them either, not the way they needed me to. It made me want to give up. And I did until I met you. Then when you said I didn’t love you, that I saw you as interchangeable with any other woman…”

He had to pause as a powerful emotion took over. When he could speak again, his voice was slow, as though the words were being forced out one by one.

“You seemed to get me from day one. You saw the good in me. So hearing that from you, that I didn’t give a fuck who I was proposing to on that trip, it hurt. It really fucking hurt. It reinforced my belief that if I couldn’t even showyouI loved you, something in me was really fucking damaged, and it couldn’t be fixed. And when you said you needed time to think about marrying me, I didn’t hear ‘not right now’. I heard ‘never’.”

“I tried to tell you. I did try.”

“I know, but it felt like rejection all over again. Coming from you, I couldn’t handle it. I lost my shit. I fucked up and walked away. But my feelings for you were real from day one. Even if it looked like it, I didn’t propose just to check off ‘married with kids’ from some to-do list. I wanted to marry you because I loved you and I could picture a real life with you.”

Her heart. There was almost no room left in it after being filled up with Nico’s words, with the softness in his eyes when he said that.

Nico paused, tilting his head to the side as if weighing his next statements. “Okay, but yeah, if I’m gonna be totally honest, I also might have rushed the proposal because I was leaving for New York, and I was scared. I thought if I left you alone in Milan without locking you down, either you’d change your mind about me, or some other guy might…”

“Nico,” she said, shaking her head at him with disappointment. “How could you even think for a second that after I waited my whole life for you, I’d risk losing you over someone else?”

“I know,” he said gruffly. “Clearly, I have my issues.”

“Clearly.”

“Dani, if you give me another chance…” He tugged on his short hair. “Fuck, even I’m not sure why you’d give me another chance after how I acted when I didn’t get what I wanted.”

“I shouldn’t,” she said with a watery laugh. “You hurt my feelings.” Dani sniffled and rolled her eyes at him. “For real. I couldn’t believe you stopped speaking to me. Petty, Nico.Pet-ty. Seriously, though. It was disappointing. You said and did a lot of disappointing things.”

He squinted and nodded. “Yeah, not my proudest moments. Told you I had asshole tendencies. I’m sorry, Dani, truly sorry. I won’t go there again; I can’t, not if it means I lose you again.”

“Okay, but how do I know you won’t walk or give me the silent treatment the minute you don’t get your way? You have your tendencies, and I have mine. I’m not easy to deal with. Shit will come up.”

“You’re not easy, that’s for sure,” he acknowledged wryly. “But I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I need you, Dani.” Nico’s lips were even redder with emotion, his eyes taking on a wet shine. “It wasn’t your dad who contacted me about coming here. It was the other way around. When I left, I deleted your number so I wouldn’t be tempted to call you, but I couldn’t stay away. When you weren’t in Milan, I called your dad, and I begged him to tell me where you’d gone. He said he couldn’t tell me so I called him again, and I kept calling until I wore him down.”

She didn’t know if she could bear the depth of sadness in his eyes at his story.

“If you don’t think you can get past the things I said, then fuck it. I’ll be your friend. I won’t touch you. Fucking swear it, I won’t. Even if it kills me.” Nico laughed, but the look he gave her, of such deep yearning, knocked its way past her heart into her soul.

“Oh, shut up, Nico,” she said with shaky laughter and exasperation, then pulled his face to hers.

Dani practically dove onto his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, and held on with all she had as he kissed her back. They were hungry, deep, slow kisses that made her tingle, made her breathless. Made her want to laugh and weep at the same time like the out-of-control woman she now was because of him.

When they could stop, he held her tight, so tight his heart’s pounding reverberated through her body. He was her volcano, her lightning strike, turbulence in the form of a beautiful man. She’d gladly accept the delicious danger to her heart that came with wanting and needing someone this way. But she knew she was safe with him. She understood that now implicitly.

“Do you love me, Dani?” he asked, as if he needed to be sure. As if his very life depended on the answer.

She didn’t hesitate. The time for teasing would come later. “Yes. I love you, Nico. I didn’t realize how much either until you were gone. You were right about a few things, too, as wrong as you acted.”

At her declaration, Nico expelled a breath of relief. “What was I right about? You know I’d love to hear that,” he said, touching her cheek.

“I was afraid, too,” she admitted. “I was scared of how strongly I felt about you in such a short time. But it was more than that. I told you that you were the first man that ever said he loved me.”

Nico’s eyes saddened when she said that. The old Dani, proud and untouchable, would have hated to see pity in him. But the new Dani, the one who craved his caring, felt his sorrow on her behalf like a balm on an old wound.

“I was used to being the temporary woman in a man’s life. Either a guy was with me because he was bored and I was fun to hang out with, or he was passing time waiting to meet the woman he really wanted to be with. And then you came along. Somebody was finally offering me everything I said I wanted, like Santa Claus, and I couldn’t believe in it. You just seemed too good to be true.” She grinned as she stroked her finger gently across his cheekbone.

“Since then, all I’ve been able to think about is how I should have handled things differently when you proposed. Asked for a longer engagement. Moved into Nonno’s rent-free and let Nonni cook for me every day.” Nico laughed softly at that. “I’m sorry if you doubted my feelings for you. If I had shown you or explained myself better, maybe we wouldn’t have been apart—”

Nico stopped her with a shake of his head and his hand squeezing hers.

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