Page 63 of Hot Irish Halloween

She licked her lips as if they were parched. How he wanted to kiss those lips, to make her breathless and needy for him, makeher forget about the fact that he was going to break his one promise to her, and maybe, in the process, break her heart.

“How?” she managed to ask. “He’s suspended from fighting in the league. Last I heard, after the video of him showing his ass went viral, his suspension was made permanent. There is no title to fight for here.”

Jack scowled. “Our old friend Simon FitzGerald contacted me and left an open invitation to go back to the castle whenever I wanted. When that fucking animal put you and our baby’s life in danger, I called Simon. He was very interested in the idea of hosting a private fight on the grounds. If his cunt friends can’t watch me fuck, they’d be very happy to watch me fight instead.”

Insane. Yes, he knew how insane this sounded. He didn’t use the word frivolously. Still, Jack stood there, slowly forcing himself to turn to stone as she stared at him wide-eyed.

“Simon FitzGerald. Did you know when we were at his little party, I heard him callyouan animal? Baby, come on. That man doesn’t give a fuck what happens to you,” she breathed out.

“You don’t think I know what people like him think of people like me? I do know,” Jack retorted, his fists clenching. “I’ve known my whole fucking life. It doesn’t matter right now if he can give me whatIwant.”

“Great, so, without talking it over with me, your so-called partner, you’ve decided to risk either permanent brain damage or death by coming out of a five-year retirement to fight a man twelve years younger who hates you. When I’m four months pregnant with the baby you asked me to have.” She exhaled softly. “This has to be the most breathtakingly selfish thing I’ve ever heard.”

His fucking soul took a one-two hit with that one. And now his worst instincts kicked in. To go on the offense, to take her down. Make her tap out and drop this topic before it devolved into something ugly.

“Maybe selfish is asking someone to forget who he is. I stood there and watched you get hurt. I thought the baby —” He had to stop at the way his insides twisted, reliving that moment and the agonizing hours of waiting afterward. “And you’re asking me not to respond because he’s younger than me? That’s fucking grand, Penny, fucking grand. Thanks for your belief in me.”

Penny looked almost physically sick at his harsh words. “I didn’t mean it as an insult. I meant it as a fact. And donotmake me the excuse for what you’re about to do. This isn’t about me at all. This is you not wanting to admit that getting back into that goddamned cage is what you’ve wanted all along. You need people admiring you, worshipping you. Your name at the bottom of a TV screen and your face on a T-shirt. Even if it means getting yourself fuckingkilled.”

Jack’s nose flared. He didn’t know he could burn yet still be cold as ice at the same time.

Then something in his chest absolutely ached when she sniffed and swiped her face with her hand in a quick move. “You want that life? Then go back to it. The movie premiers, the celebrity parties. Don’t forget the models.”

Penny’s trembling grin was a gut punch.

“I don’t want that,” he said, his voice strained. “But if you want to talk about not being able to let go of the past, let’s talk about it.”

Penny rolled her eyes, and he narrowed his eyes at her in return. “Talking about me so we don’t have to talk about you? I’m not falling for that shit.”

“No, really, let’s do it, Penny. Let’s talk about it. When we met, you’d been solidly single for ten years. Now we’re living together, and youarehaving my baby. But everything in your life is still about Brendan. Every fucking thing. Brendan is a god to you. Except he’s dead, and he’s not coming back.”

“S-stop…” she whispered, holding herself.

He should have. He should have stopped right there because she looked wounded and confused. He should have stopped fucking talking and held her. Told her he loved her, and they would be okay.

Too late. Jack was locked in his frustrated rage. This had to be said. He’d been holding back, holding everything in for far too long, and now it was going to spew out unchecked.

“Oh, right, I should never mention Brendan, even though you’re still bleedin’ married to the man in all the ways you refuse to marry me,” Jack said. He burned, he blazed, he was drowning in a lake of fire. “You gave up the violin to play the kind of music he wanted. That book you’re dragging your feet to finish? It wasn’t even your idea to write it in the first place; it was his. Yet you won’t finish it because if you finished it, you’d have to let go of him, and you can’t.” Chest heaving, he gazed at her. “You want to compare how I feel about you to how I might have felt about some meaningless photo op relationships that were set up by my publicity team? Women I never loved? Okay, you go and do that. I’ll be here wondering how I can compete with a dead man that you’ve loved your whole fuckinglife. Is it even possible for you to love anyone else? Do you love meat all?”

The question hung in the air like a balloon, ready to pop. He should have stopped right there and gone to her and embraced her before it was too late. But they’d already reached a cliff edge. And her eyes were slowly losing their luster.

Penny licked her lips again. Her face looked otherwise still. “You want to hear something really dumb?” she asked suddenly. Her eyes were so dark, so deep, like starlight had fallen in them and had gotten swallowed up. “I was never in love with Brendan.”

Jack stilled then, too. Speechless, he stared back at her as she spoke softly.

“Our moms worked together and they were good friends. We were always together as kids. But at some point, something changed for him. It didn’t for me. I tried really hard to feel what he felt because I thought it would make sense.” Penny nodded as if affirming herself. “My best friend, my partner in music, in everything. I convinced myself that the butterfly thing I wasn’t feeling was just something people made up. And if it was real, well,Ididn’t need that to feel content in a relationship. Our foundation was solid. I told myself our connection was about more than lust. So, I stayed, and I… ruined his life. Yeah. I ruined his life.”

Jack’s mind spun to hear her say something like that about herself. “How could you say that? You could never —”

Penny’s short laugh was strained. “Oh, but I did. Want to know how? For starters, I got birth control shots behind his back. He wanted children so badly, but I acted like it was a mystery why I wasn’t getting pregnant. I lied to him and to myself. I thought, ‘It’ll happen later, we’re young, we’re busy.’ That’s how I justified it. But deep down, I knew a baby would tie me to him forever, and I…I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it.”

To watch her face twist with pain, knowing it was his fault for wrenching this story out of her, felt a lot like hammering his own fingers with a sledge. And now there was something wild in her expression, like there’d been an unstable tower of stone where she’d kept hidden all her hurts and shameful secrets, and it was about to come crashing down on her.

“Penny –” he tried, his voice thicker.

“I lied to you, too,” she said. Penny eyes shimmered with tears. “Iwaswith Brendan when it happened. We were playing a late-night show out back of a bar in Georgia. It was the end of summer, and it was going to be the last one before we went home to Owenville for the winter. But these good ole boys were there, drunk, acting stupid. When we were done with the set andpacking up, they came around and tried flirting with me like he wasn’t right there. I told him to relax, it was nothing. Let it go. Squeeze stepped in and told them to fuck off. I guess they were scared of him, so they did. Squeeze asked me and Brendan to leave with him and Dennis, but I wanted to stay. The danger had passed. It was cool. So, Brendan and I stayed at the bar and kept drinking, dancing, and having fun. When we were leaving, those guys were outside waiting for us.”

“Jesus. Penny…” Jack reached for her, his anger washing away on a tide of regret and horror at what she’d already told him and at what she would say next. She stayed away, putting up a warning hand.

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