Page 26 of Crown of Ashes and Desire

I moved to my wardrobe, selecting a deep-blue gown with practical sleeves and minimal embellishment. My black wavy hair was silky, but I looked so pale in my reflection, resembling a shadow of my self. The kaftan-style dress featured subtle silver thread embroidery at the cuffs, reminiscent of the protective nazar symbols my mother once sewed into my childhood clothes. Formal enough for the gathering, but suitable for flight if the opportunity arose. Beneath it, I would wear leggings and soft leather boots, hidden by the dress's flowing length.

"What about the binding?" Melo asked the question we both were avoiding. "He'll be able to track you through it."

I touched the spot over my heart where our connection pulsed with the rhythm of an unwelcome second heartbeat. "Not if I suppress it enough to mask my location. I've been practicing the ancient light-bearer meditation techniques I learnedduring my heir training, focusing on pure-white energy while visualizing a wall between us. It won't block him completely, but it might buy me enough time to escape before he can track me accurately."

Melo’s eyes narrowed skeptically. “Fuck this bond, if he gets close I’ll make sure to be close by. And the pain?”

“Is nothing compared to what I’ve already endured,” I replied, the memory of those first two dark years crushing my chest. Two years lost to madness and grief after Hakan’s betrayal, when I couldn’t even hold my child. I wasn’t even lucid enough to recognize my self in the mirror. Two years when Nadine raised Kiraz while I struggled to piece my shattered mind back together.

But the past three years were different. Since recovering, I was there for every milestone I could manage—visiting constantly, watching Kiraz grow, being her mother in every way possible despite the secrecy. I learned to be two people: the composed diplomat for the world, and the mother who sang lullabies and kissed scraped knees whenever I could slip away.

All because of what he’d become when he’d discovered his heritage. Because of the Shadow Lord, he chose to be once he’d learned he was Erlik’s son, and what he would do if he ever discovered the truth.

“He made his choice five years ago,” I said, more to myself than to Melo. “Power over love. Darkness over light. He deserves nothing from me—not knowledge of his daughter, not even my hatred.”

Yet hatred burned through me regardless, a constant companion that kept me upright when grief would have broken me. Hatred for what he did, for what he continued to do with every casual cruelty and possessive touch.

And beneath that hatred, the most treacherous emotion of all—the remnants of love that refused to die completely. A weakness I could never afford to indulge.

I dressed carefully, methodically, each layer of clothing another layer of armor against what was to come. The binding between us made total secrecy impossible—Hakan would sense something was amiss if I blocked him completely too early. Instead, I would have to maintain a careful balance, feeding him just enough emotion to avoid suspicion.

“Remember,” Melo said as I pinned my hair into an elegant but secure arrangement, “if we’re separated, keep moving northeast. Nadine and Kiraz will be waiting at the sanctuary beyond the Peri Bacalari—the fairy chimneys where the light spirits gather at dawn.”

Kiraz. My heart constricted at her name. It had been nearly two weeks since I’d seen her—the longest we’d been apart since my recovery. My beautiful daughter, who was almost five, with her father’s green eyes and my dark hair. Did she understand why I couldn’t come? Was she frightened without me? The questions haunted my every waking moment.

A knock sounded at the door, and we both froze.

“Lady Ada,” a servant called. “Lord Hakan requests your presence. The guests are arriving.”

“Tell him I’ll be down shortly.” I forced calm into my voice.

Once the servant’s footsteps faded, I knelt to Melo’s level. “If anything goes wrong—if I’m caught—get word to Nadine. Tell her to take Kiraz and go farther, somewhere even I don’t know.”

Melo pressed her head against my hand. “Nothing will go wrong. But I promise.”

I took a steadying breath, checking my reflection one last time. The woman who stared back bore little resemblance to the naive girl who’d once loved Hakan with every fiber of her being, blindly and hopelessly. That girl died the day he told hershe disgusted him. In her place stood someone harder, colder—someone who would do whatever necessary to protect what mattered.

“Let’s go,” I said, and straightened my shoulders. “It’s time to play the dutiful wife one last time.”

The corridors of Hakan's mansion seemed to stretch endlessly, the ornate carpet muffling my footsteps as I moved beneath arched doorways inlaid with jet-black obsidian and silver filigree. Each step brought me closer to the gathering—and to the moment I would attempt to reclaim my freedom. Servants bowed as I passed, their eyes carefully averted. None of them would meet my gaze directly, not after what had happened to Yilmaz.

I reached the grand staircase that led down to the main hall, pausing at the top to survey the scene below. Dozens of shadow lords and ladies mingled around, the air thick with dark magic and false pleasantries. And at the center of it all stood Hakan himself, a dark star pulling all light into his orbit. His tall frame was wrapped in formal black attire that emphasized his broad shoulders and dangerous elegance. I hated to admit that he’d aged like fine wine—his long blond hair tied back in a severe ponytail, highlighting the cruel beauty of his face. His green eyes caught the light, gleaming as a wolf's do in darkness. Five years had only refined the dangerous elegance I’d once worshipped with reckless abandon.

My body remembered him before my mind could object. A traitorous heat flared low in my belly even when hatred burned in my chest. How could I still want someone who’d destroyed me so completely? How could he still be so beautiful when his soul was so twisted?

As if sensing my presence, he looked up, his green eyes locking with mine across the distance. Something flashed across his face—a moment of raw vulnerability quickly masked bysomething hungry and possessive that pricked my skin with a warning.

Through our bond, I felt his attention sharpen, focused entirely on me with an intensity that made breathing difficult. I allowed a carefully measured amount of disdain to flow through our connection, enough to mask my true intentions.

Playing dress-up with your demonic relatives?I projected coldly.How charming.

His response came immediately, sliding into my mind like silk wrapped around a blade.Come down and join us, wife. The guests are eager to see the light I’ve bound to shadow.

Display piece in your collection?I countered, moving deliberately down the stairs.I think I’ll pass.

His mental chuckle raised goosebumps along my arms.It was not a fucking request, Ada. Come. Now.

The command carried weight, pulsing through our bond. I maintained my composure, outwardly the picture of grace while my heart hammered with hatred and something dangerously close to anticipation.

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