Page 30 of Crown of Ashes and Desire

“Is that what this was?” I gestured to the marks his grip had left on my wrists, my voice shaking with anger rather than residual desire. “Mercy?”

“That,” he said, shadows beginning to envelop him though they seemed less controlled than before, “was merely a reminder of what you’re running from. And what you’ll never escape.” Hiseyes locked with mine, still burning, but now with something closer to desperation than possession. “Go back to the gathering. Now. Or I’ll drag you there myself, in whatever state you happen to be in.”

The threat hung in the air between us, and I knew with sickening certainty that he meant every word. But I’d also seen the confusion, the internal struggle. Whatever he’d become, it wasn’t entirely his choice.

“Fine.” I gathered what dignity I could. “But this isn’t over.”

“No,” he agreed, but his voice lacked its earlier conviction. “It’s only the beginning.”

Melo pressed against my leg, a silent show of support as we made our way back through the passage, Hakan following at a distance that felt both too close and oddly uncertain.

“The shadow corruption is spreading faster than we thought,” she murmured, her tone pitched for my ears alone. “Three more lords have fallen under Erlik’s influence. And Hakan…” she hesitated, and glanced back at him with undisguised hostility, “something’s changing in him, too. His shadow feels…different. I sense conflict in him when he’s near you—like two different souls warring in one body. The binding might be affecting him more than he realizes.”

I gave the smallest nod, careful not to let Hakan see. This attempt had failed, and the cost had been high—now he would be watching me even more closely. But I’d also learned something valuable: whatever was controlling him wasn’t absolute. There were cracks in his certainty, moments where the real Hakan seemed to surface.

That gave me hope—not for us, but for finding the weakness I could exploit to break free.

I would not stop trying to escape. Kiraz needed me. And I would use every tool at my disposal—including his obvious internal struggle—to get back to her.

Even if I had to tear this binding from my very soul.

Hakan

Sleep had always been a struggle, but since my memories fully returned, I'd been tormented by two years' worth of recovered experiences. Every night brought dreams of what I'd lost—Ada's laughter, her trust, our future together. Worse were the memories of what I'd become: the casualcruelties, the cold calculations, the monster I'd been while my father's spell held firm.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her—running from me, fighting me, her light magic flaring in defiance. The pain was constant, too—a deep, inexplicable ache that had begun two years ago when my father's spell began to fade. The sensation was unlike anything I’d experienced before—not quite physical, not quite magical, but something that resonated in the very core of my being.

What troubled me most was how I felt pain whenever I hurt her—as if our bond was punishing me for my cruelty. The sensation had started when my memories returned, and now it flared every time I caused her suffering.

But tonight, something else consumed me—a suspicion that had been growing since my memories returned. A paranoia that gnawed at my mind like a parasite.

Ada was hiding something. Something that had driven her to risk everything in that foolish escape attempt. Something worth facing my wrath to protect. And for a brief, maddening moment, one possibility tormented me.

She loves someone else.

The idea stabbed through me, sparking jealousy I had no right to feel.. Her desperation to escape, her willingness to endure my cruelty rather than submit—could it be because her heart belonged to another? But even while the jealousy consumed me, something felt wrong about that explanation. This wasn’t the behavior of a woman hiding a lover. This was something else entirely. Something deeper.

I prowled through my chambers, shadows responding to my agitation by twisting and writhing across the walls. Whatever she was protecting, it wasn’t romantic love. The energy I sensed through our bond was different—warmer, more precious. But what could inspire such fierce, desperate protection?

The question burned through me. What secret was worth such suffering? What was she hiding that mattered more than her own safety?

I reached through our bond, sensing Ada’s consciousness dimmed in sleep. Her guardian was absent—I had deliberately waited for the fox’s nightly hunting routine, having observed her patterns over the past few days. Whatever secret Ada harbored, whatever she was so desperately protecting, I would have the truth tonight.

I glanced at the timepiece on the wall. Just past midnight. The household slept, save for the night guards patrolling the perimeter. No one would interfere with what I was about to do. No one would question their lord’s authority.

I grabbed a black shirt, pulling it on when I made my way silently through the mansion’s darkened corridors. Two guards stood at attention outside Ada’s door, placed there after her escape attempt. At my approach, they immediately straightened.

“Return to the main hall and remain there until I summon you,” I commanded.

They hesitated only briefly before bowing and retreating. I opened her door without knocking, shadows preceding me into the room. Ada lay sleeping, her dark hair spilled across the pillow, her face unguarded in a way she never allowed when awake.

For a moment—just one treacherous moment—I remembered waking beside her in the years before everything had shattered. The peaceful weight of her against my chest, the scent of her skin in morning light. Had she given this intimacy to another? The possessive rage that surged through me was primal, consuming, though I couldn’t understand why I even cared.

“Wake up,” I said coldly, and reached out to grasp her shoulder.

She jolted awake instantly, instinctively calling light magic to her fingertips before she’d even fully registered who loomed over her bed.

“What are you?—?”

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