Page 80 of Crown of Ashes and Desire

“And so far, you have nothing.” Sarp’s sarcasm was thick enough to cut with a blade. “I’m sure those alternatives don’t involve any sacrifice whatsoever from the woman whose mind you already broke once.”

My shadows lashed out before I could stop them, writhing around us both in agitated spirals. I was fucking losing it. I was enraged that he knew and refused to say anything.

"You should have fucking told me," I snarled, stepping closer until we were face to face, my voice barely above a whisper. "Choose your next words very carefully."

To his credit, Sarp didn't flinch or back away. "I've been choosing my words carefully for five years," he replied, meeting my gaze steadily despite the oppressive darkness surrounding us. "Maybe it's time someone didn't."

We stared at each other for a long moment before I stepped back, shadows receding. "I was trying to fucking save her," I said, my tone softer.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Sarp rubbed his throat, voice raspy. “You could have made different choices back then, but you chose power over love.”

I turned back to the courtyard, where Ada was now kneeling beside the pale-skinned girl, helping her strengthen her small shadow abilities. The sight left something aching in a place I thought had died years ago.

“I’m going to seek her forgiveness and trust,” I said. “Ada deserves that much.”

“Radical concept,” Sarp muttered, still massaging his throat. “Have you tried, I don’t know, not threatening to sacrifice her for magical power?”

I ignored his barb. “She sleeps in my chambers, and so far she has not tried to stab me again. It’s a small progress.”

Sarp’s eyebrows shot up, and he laughed. “Fuck, you’re delusional. I bet she wouldn’t sleep with you willingly if you gave her the choice.”

“I’m going to cut off your tongue if you don’t shut up,” I snapped. I glared at his amused expression. “The binding is unpredictable, but there seems to be a pattern. When she’s safe, when she’s…happy…” I hesitated over the unfamiliar word, “…the pain lessens. Perhaps proximity matters, too.”

“It’s because of the bond, now that your marriage has been consummated,” Sarp suggested dryly.

I didn’t dignify that with a response, though the memory of her beneath me, around me, sent heat coursing through my veins. “I need to understand this binding before the ritual. If there’s any chance of finding an alternative…”

“And if there isn’t?” Sarp asked.

I met his gaze, letting him see the truth I rarely acknowledged even to myself. “Then I need these last days with her. Before…” I couldn’t finish.

Something like sympathy flickered across his face. “Why do you refuse to tell her how you feel? Despite everything. Despite what you’ve become.”

“Love is a weakness I can’t afford,” I replied without a second thought, the words sounding hollow in my throat.

Sarp snorted. “Keep telling yourself that.” He glanced toward the courtyard, where Melo had emerged fully from the shadows, her human form drawing curious stares from the children. “Speaking of weaknesses…”

“Don’t,” I warned. “Whatever you’re thinking about Melo, stop thinking about it. She’s not human. She’s not even fully of this realm.”

Sarp grinned, his gaze never leaving Melo. “She’s the kind of woman who makes my dick hard.”

“She’ll break you,” I said bluntly.

A slow, predatory smile spread across his face. “Maybe I’ll let her try.”

I shook my head, recognizing the futility of arguing. In some ways, Sarp was as stubborn as I was—perhaps why our friendship had survived despite everything.

“You’re thinking with your dick, not your head,” I said, and turned away from the courtyard. “I need to go. There are certain things I need to prepare for.”

“For seducing your wife or sacrificing her?” Sarp called after me. “I always get those two confused.”

I didn’t respond, my mind already racing ahead. The revelation about Ada’s breakdown changed everything—and nothing. I justified the pain now and welcomed it in. I needed to suffer for what I’d done to her, for causing her this pain. The ritual still loomed, and my father still expected Ada’s sacrifice.

But now I knew exactly how much I had taken from her. How deeply I had wounded her, beyond even what I had intended. The knowledge burned like acid in my veins, fueling my determination to find another way.

Nine days. I had nine days to solve an ancient magical puzzle that had stumped shadow lords for generations. Nine days to save the woman whose mind I had broken once already.

Nine days to prove I wasn’t my father’s son after all.

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