While Adeline worked her magic, I couldn’t help watching her, not just for her sure way with Mabel, but because she had changed outfits since I saw her last. Now she wore a cute dress, one of those wrap-around deals that bisected her breasts and cinched at the waist. The skirt was full but as she leaned forward during the diaper-changing, the fabric draped over her hips and ass, giving her curves a sensual silhouette. Her hair was no longer in a ponytail, but fell in soft, blue-black waves over her shoulders. She looked … sexy.
Snap out of it, man.
As a baby’s literal shit made the best distraction, I did my best to clean up the mess, noting that I was going to need a boatload of supplies and/or have my cleaning lady up her schedule to daily. Washing my hands, I surreptitiously studied Adeline who sat at my kitchen table holding Mabel. The image was like something out of an Americana tribute, one of those fifties’ era paintings about perfect suburban life.
It should have made me shudder. I’d grown up with that perfect American life, at least on the outside. No one would have thought differently. I was the son of Sven Nyquist, who was drafted from Finland at nineteen, married a puck bunny he knocked up, then took sole guardianship of me when my mom died. I’d had nannies as a kid, interspersed with girlfriends and stepmoms who liked the idea of life with a famous hockey player until the reality set in. Sven’s temper and my neediness did not make for a happiness equation.
With my father’s relationships with women a mess, he turned to me to salvage his personal life. If he could coach me to be a professional hockey player, then he’d feel like he hadn’t failed in other aspects of his life. I might not have been wanted, but I could be of service and restore his pride.
Now here I was, faced with having to look after a child I didn’t want—maybe not the same situation as dear old dad, but certainly not the ideal way to go about bringing a baby into this world. I was pissed at myself, if I was being honest. Pissed at getting myself into this fix and at how my life was about to become so much smaller.
“She’s happier now.” Adeline looked up with a smile that vanished at the utter panic she saw on my face. “It’s going to be okay, Lars.”
“You sure about that? Because right now, if you hadn’t shown up, I’m not sure I would have figured this out without damaging her.”
“She would have had a little booty rash, and you would have had no sleep. Not the end of the world. You would have figured it out.”
It was kind of her to say so. “Is there a reason why you came back?”
“Just on my way home and thought I’d do a quick check-in. I know you must be feeling overwhelmed.”
With her empathy making my chest tighten in a way I did not appreciate, I moved on to practicalities. “I’ll be interviewing the nannies they send over tomorrow. But I don’t even know how to pick one, other than ‘can you start today?’ Probably not a good criterion.”
“Not the best.” She bit her lip, and I looked away because … I didn’t know.
More like, I didn’twantto know. I was so tired that my mind was straying to inconceivable things.
I heaved a breath. “This is probably out there but?—”
“I’ll help with the interviews.”
I blinked. “You will?”
“I know you have to travel for a game the day after.”
“I already told the brass I need personal leave.”
“You did?”
She didn’t have to sound so shocked.
“I might know zero about looking after a kid, but I do know that I won’t be finding childcare in less than twenty-four hours. This is my problem, and I need to be here for this kid until I’ve hired someone. I can’t be in two places at once, so something had to give.” I crossed my arms. “But if you can help me vet the candidates, that would be amazing.”
“I can do that. What did your Rebels bosses say about you missing the game?”
“Ryder said they’d get a temp nanny in, and I shouldn’t worry about it.” Ryder Calloway, the general manager, had been full of ideas after he spent the first three minutes of the conversation laughing his head off. “But I told him I can’t leave my kid with justanyone. I had plenty of that as a kid and as shitty a dad as I’ll probably be, it would be even shittier to leave her with someone I’ve never met. I need a few days to get all my ducks in a row.”
Mabel yawned and seemed to settle, oblivious to my agitation. Evidently this little girl felt safe in Adeline’s arms. I felt two ways about that; the part of me that needed to see Mabel comforted evicted the envy—mostly—at knowing I couldn’t make this child as happy.
But I could pay for decent help.
“The fact that you don’t want to palm her off on just anyone tells me you’re not going to be a shitty dad. Did you get any sleep last night?”
My bleary-eyed expression must have said it all. “Not much, but your mom got even less.”
“It’s not a contest.”
It was always a contest. I was a winner on the ice and there was no way in hell I was going to be a loser when it came to fatherhood. I would be better thanhim.