Page 46 of The Unraveling of Julia

“Yes, I’ll show you.” Gianluca led her across the ramparts, and Julia fell into step beside him, though she already sensed where they were going. The rampart widened, and there were other sections of the castle set off by stone walls. They kept going until they reached a smaller courtyard closest to the center of the castle, and they looked down over the wall onto a messy tangle of overgrown white and pink wildflowers, bushes, and trees.

Gianluca leaned a hand on the wall. “This was her garden. She was an amateur botanist, too. She grew herbs and plants for salves. She became one of the foremost authorities on homeopathic medicine at the time.”

Julia eyed the garden and felt her thoughts transported. Images of flowers and herbs and plants flickered through her mind. She knew it was her imagination running away with her, but she let it go.

“Caterina designed the garden so it was the most protected place of the castle. She wanted it to be safe, and a paradise for her and herchildren. She called itParadiso.”

“It’s like the center of the castle is the heart of the woman.”

“Yes, exactly.” Gianluca glanced over with a smile. “You have a feel for her.”

“I guess I do.” Julia realized it was the perfect way to describe what was happening. Shehad a feelfor Caterina.

“Why do you think that is? Do you think you’re related to her?” Gianluca eased onto the wall to listen, his head tilted. His manner encouraged Julia to answer, but she was torn.

“If I tell you, you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“No, I won’t,” Gianluca said softly.

“I’m starting to think I might be related to her, because I feel safe here, and that hasn’t happened anywhere else.” Julia hesitated. “I’ve had a hard time since my husband was killed, I don’t feel safe anywhere, and now I’m having nightmares, really strange ones, and they’re mostly about Caterina. One night I dreamed she came off the fresco and was chasing me. Then the next night, there was blue light from her, chasing me.” Julia watched his face carefully, but Gianluca’s expression didn’t change, nor did he seem to judge her. “Then last night, I was researching her and I had a vision that a blue light came out of mylaptop.”

“A vision?” Gianluca blinked. “Were you asleep?”

“No.”

“Is it possible you dozed off and dreamed it? I do, when I’m working at night.”

“I suppose it’s possible,” Julia answered, but she knew it was unlikely. “The whole thing confuses me because here today, in her castle, I feel better somehow. It has to be related to Caterina, maybe she could even be guiding me. Maybe that’s how I knew my way around. Is that even possible? Or am I crazy?”

“You’re not crazy.” Gianluca paused. “You’re heartbroken.”

Julia swallowed hard. Shefeltheartbroken. “I am, but what does that have to do with it?”

“It explains everything. Love is all.” Gianluca met her gaze directly. “You’re grieving a man you loved very much. You suffered a loss that broke your heart. You saw something you can never unsee and will never forget.” He touched his chest. “That injury, it breaks your heart and your soul, too. And your sense of self. So of course, you’re not yourself right now.”

Julia felt his words touch a chord. “That’s exactly how I feel, that I’m not myself.”

“So let it be,” Gianluca said, softly. “Let yourself grieve and heal.”

“I grieve plenty, but I don’t know how to heal. I have a therapist and coping mechanisms and everything.”

“Keep grieving.Grievingheals you. The crying, the talking, the nightmares, the memories, those things are part of grieving, and in time the grieving will be less acute, and you’ll begin to feel like yourself again.”

Julia hoped he was right.

“You can’t avoid the sadness. You mustn’t try. Nor can you wait for it to end so you can be magically healed. There’s no line between sadness and happiness, like borders of a country. Sometimes sadness leads to happiness and sometimes both emotions exist in the same space at the same time.” Gianluca spoke with feeling. “I know how loss feels. I had a broken heart, too.”

“What happened?” Julia asked, feeling like they were making a connection, and she realized that she hadn’t felt connected to anybody in a long time. Since the rift with Courtney, she’d never been so alone.

Gianluca put up a hand. “I’ll tell you, but first, please understand I’m not making any parity between what happened to you. Iexperienced loss but, not as earth-shattering as yours.”

“I understand.”

“I thought I met the love of my life, but she gave back my ring. She decided not to marry me.” Gianluca’s dark curls blew away from his face, revealing a mask of pain. “We were together for three years, engaged for six months. She was an Australian studying here, but she decided she wanted us to move back to Sydney, and I agreed to go with her. I quit my job, sold my furniture and books, and I said goodbye to my family. I was ready to leave everything for her. I washappyto. Love is all. Nothing matters more.” Gianluca shook his head, smiling ruefully. “On the way to the airport, she told me she fell in love with another man.”

“Oh no.” Julia felt terrible for him. “That must have been awful.”

“It was, and I was a mess. I went home and cried like a small child for days. I drank, I drew terrible sketches. I reread all of Shakespeare.” Gianluca chuckled. “I borrowed my sister’s book of his complete works, and the pageswarpedwith my tears. When I returned the book, she thought I dropped it in the bathtub.”

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