Page 187 of Marked

“Mija, you think I’m not a mother? That I can’t see that something is going on inside my daughter’s head? Hmm?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. “Out with it.”

“Mom, seriously. Nothing’s wrong.” The last thing I wanted was to drag Mom into my relationship issues.

“You leave me no choice,” she said with a huff and opened the fridge. “I must use the nuclear option.”

She pulled a sheet pan out and set it on the counter.

I stared at it with unmitigated lust. “Is that yourtres lechescake?”

“It is. I made it last night.” She grabbed a knife and two plates. “You can have a piece if”—she pointed the knife at me—“you spit it out.”

“Ohhh,” I hissed. “That’s a dirty fucking game, Mom.”

“Language, Cameron,” Mom said in a monotone. “Now, do you want a piece or not?”

Shit.

“Okay,fine,” I groaned.

Mom grinned in a self-satisfied way and slid two large pieces onto the plates, then put the cake back into the fridge.

“Don’t tell Gael. I told him he couldn’t have any until after dinner. Is it Nate?” she asked gently. “Did something happen while you were gone?”

I took a bite, moaning in delight as the cool, moist cake delighted my tastebuds. But even the glorious dessert couldn’t bring a real smile to my face.

“It’s not Nate,” I admitted. “It’s me. I’m the problem.”

“What’s the problem?”

Poking at the dessert with my fork, I lifted a shoulder in a sullen shrug. “I think I’m messed up, Mom. I either choose terrible men, or I sabotage the good ones.”

I thought back on the way Nate had reacted to my revelation about his past. Seeing that article had spurred me to do something, but had that been the right time? I could have told him about it atanyother time. The night before, that morning during breakfast. So many other times. He’d already been emotional from seeing the bait shop, and then I’d dumped a thousand-pound bomb on him.

Part of me worried that I may have done irreparable harm to Nate, and I couldn’t get that thought out of my head.

“And which one is Nate?” Mom asked, finally taking a bite.

“He’s a good one,” I admitted, and tears tried to sear their way out from the backs of my eyes.

“This is not your problem,mija. It’s mine.”

“What?” I looked up, tears forgotten in my shock at her words.

She set her fork down, interlaced her fingers, and sighed heavily. “I failed you. As a role model. I’ve known it for years, and I can’t seem to stop doing it.”

Now I was the one who wanted to do the comforting. I reached forward, putting my hand on hers. “Youneverfailed. You work harder than anyone I know, Mom.”

“Oh, it’s not the work,” she said with a bitter laugh. “It’s the relationships. All the men I’ve brought into your life, and then they vanished. I never showed you what a healthy relationship was. How to behave with a man whoreallyloved you. All I’ve done since your father disappeared is chase that high, that emotional connection I had with him. It probably made things difficult for you. It’s why I disliked Rick so much,” she said, tearsshimmering in her eyes. “I could see you were doing something similar, but I was too ashamed to say anything.”

My stomach lurched at her words. That was exactly what I’d always thought she was doing, but she’d never verbalized it. Now, my heart ached for her. I knew she’d loved my dad, but I’d never realized how deep that love went. Part of me had simply assumed he’d been another flash-in-the-pan romance that resulted in a pregnancy, similar to Gael’s father. My mother’s eyes told the true story, though.

One of my fears, which had been unrealized until this very moment, was that I’d open my heart to someone who would hurt me. All my high school and college boyfriends, men I’d met online, casual dates here and there… I’d fallen into those relationships with a half-assed sort of reluctance that I’d never really noticed. Now, I saw the truth. I’d been terrified. I’d spent years thinking I was afraid of ruining my life by choosing the wrong person the way Mom had. In reality, I’d been scared to open my heart to anyone for fear of being hurt.

It was part of why I felt strange around Nate. My instincts were telling me to fully let go, but my subconscious mind was looking for a way out. A way to keep from having my heart metaphorically ripped from my chest.

“How did you do it?” My voice trembled. “Open yourself up?”

She mulled my question over as she took a bite of cake, then said, “I trust people. Maybe I trust too much, but I always believe the best in people. Call it a weakness or a strength, but there it is. With some people, like Rick,” she said, her lip curling in disgust, “it’s easy to see that they care only about themselves. Most people aren’t that way. The men I’ve loved and lost mostly weren’t bad people. They simply weren’t meant for me. That’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s not hard enough for me tonevertry. Everyone deserves love, Cameron.” She touched my hand. “Even you.Especiallyyou.”

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