Page 28 of Never To Suffer

“You and Rory know each other? You didn’t think you should mention that!?” I don’t scream it, but I add a little extra venom to her name.

“Don’t do this,” Connor runs over, pulling me back by the shoulders. “Come on, don’t do this here, Dani. Let’s get through the show, and later, we’ll find a bar and talk this out.”

“Talk? You want me totalkto this prick?” I spit out, pushing Connor off me.

“Come on, please? For me?” Connor has these big brown puppy dog eyes that he weaponizes when I least expect it. He does it because I can’t say no to him, and he’s laying it on extra thick right now. I hate him sometimes.

“We’re all under a shit ton of stress,” Noah says, maintaining her calm. “Between the move, worrying about Xander, you’re under even more pressure. We can’t flake out on the first night. Take it all up there on the stage and get it out of your system the way you do, okay?”

“Fine.”

“Guys, five minutes. Let’s go!” the stage manager yells in the door before disappearing again.

I rip my jacket off the hook and storm out of the room, slamming the door behind me. Once I’m in the hall, I take three deep breaths to refocus all of this into the music, like Noah said. I’m not losing my shit on night one. So long as the rest of us play like our lives depend on it, we’ll make it through this.

The stage manager waves us forward as the rest of the band shuffles out of the room. I wait, letting them take the lead; it’s what I always do. I listen to them set up while I wait in the shadows, an eerie calm talking over as I inhale the stale beer and heavy night air. I love this shit so much. When it’s my turn to walk on, the audience cheers, pumping more adrenaline through me. They’re drunk, and they’re ready to party. I’m pissed and ready to give them a show.

I grab the mic. “Hey fuckers! We’re gonna get right into it for you since you’ve been waiting all day for something good. That’s Connor on drums, Noah on guitar!” I turn and shake my head, motioning toward Todd. “And this is some dickwad namedTodd. We’re LA Proper. Let’s do this!”

The buzz of the stage as we come off our third and final show of the week lights me up like the billboard outside my old apartment. Through the fear, anger, and uncertainty, we put on solid performances that we can be proud of. Even if we don’t make the cut. I’m woman enough to admit that Todd wasn’t half bad, improving with each set. He wasn’t half good either, though.

After we pack up the equipment, I find three exhausted faces staring back at me, and I’m betting I’m no better. So, I offer to buy the first round while we watch the last few acts of the weekend. We navigate through the crowd to the area dedicated to the bands and nab a table in the back, ordering our first bucket of beers.

“Do you think she’ll come back?” Noah tiptoes into the subject when Todd disappears from the table. “I mean, if we asked Rory and we’re super nice about it. Do you think she would? ‘Cause Todd was… man. He kind of sucks.”

“You want her back, Noah?” I ask, taking a swig from the beer I’ve nursed for the last hour. “Like if she came over here right now, would you want to go up and play another set with her?”

“No,” she groans. Rory and Noah never got along, but thinking back, none of us got along with Rory. “That would suck more.”

“We can rework the songs, make them easier for Todd to pick up?” I try to put on a smile, but it falters. “Who am I kidding? We’re headed home.”

Connor puts an arm around my shoulders. “We’re going home because it’s between shows, not because they’re dropping us. Stop being so lame. Todd will work for now, at least until we can find someone else.” He tilts my head up and grins at me, half-drunk. “They’ve packed the house since Wednesday night. So, if you’re going to think like we’re going home, I’m sure NotOkay Records will host this again next year.”

The pit in my stomach wants me to listen to my gut, to bow out and come back to fight another year. Or bow out and stay out. Maybe I’m not cut out for this. Another failure in a long line of attempts to reach my dreams, only to fall. Hard.

But my heart wants to listen to Connor.

Noah flags down the guy working our area and orders another bucket before leaning in. “We need to be real, right?We’re kind of broken and winging it right now. That will only get us so far before we’re blown out of the water. But we still get recognition. We’re still selling merch and getting the name out there.”

“Do you two want to throw in the towel and let Rory win? Fine. I get it, I’ll get over it, and yeah, we’ll come back stronger next year,” Connor replies. “But I’m all for staying in. We have a few days before the next show, and I’ll work on Todd. There will be plenty of people lining up in LA. We need to get through the first couple of rounds and prove we’re not losers.”

“Work on Todd’s skills as a bassist or work on his dick?” Noah teases, getting a laugh out of all of us. “Do you guys want the standings so far before we decide? See if they’ve made the decision for us?” Noah asks, staring at the bright screen in front of her.

“If we’re out, are you going to tear Todd apart again?” Connor asks.

“I only spoke the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me, Chase Cooper.”

“Chase Cooper?” Noah cocks her head to the side. “Praying to your besties now?”

“He’s played a god or something in a movie, I think.”

“No, Chase played the patriotic dude’s buddy or whatever,” Connor corrects me before gesturing to Noah’s phone. “Alright, give it to us, oh keeper of knowledge. How bad?”

We all lean in, staring at this strange tracking graphic that doesn’t make much sense to me. It’s hard to read the names, and I take a second to spot ours. We lock eyes for a second before checking the phone again. None of us say a word.

We’re fifth. We’re moving on to the next round!

CHAPTER 14

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