Page 63 of Never To Suffer

“Hold on, I’m still stuck on why you have a rock,” Steve says, scratching his head.

“I don’t.. It’s not a…it’s a metaphorical rock!” I fold my arms on the table and let gravity take my head. “I can’t do this!”

“Alright, we’ll be serious. What do you need to tell me, D?”

“I can’t tell you! You’re gonna hate me!”

“Because your band went viral?”

I can’t move. My head won’t lift off my arms, my lungs refuse to take a breath, even my leg has stopped bouncing as what he said hits me right in the gut.

“Laurie sent me a text the other day about it, said you and your band did something and it blew up. Cool, right? I mean, Laurie told me not to look it up and that I should talk to you about it first. Didn’t make much sense, but I’m not going to screw with my sister.” He tries to look under my arms to find me, so I turn my head enough to make a sliver of eye contact.

“I’m sorry, Stevie,” I mumble into my arms. “I mean, I am, but I’m also not. I don’t know how that works. How I can be sorry, but also unapologetically happy for this. I’ve been rehearsing what I need to say, how to tell you, but I can’t get it right. I can’t find the?—”

“Spit it out. Rip the bandage off.”

I close my eyes, covering them with my hands. “Skylar came back. They’re in my band now, and we’re sleeping together.”

I have no idea what Steve does next because not only are my eyes closed, but the blood rushing through my ears mixes with the echo chamber of the food court, and I go temporarily deaf. I’ve stressed myself out so hard, I can’t make out words anymore and I swear I can feel the room buzzing in my teeth. Time means nothing because I can’t even concentrate enough to count the seconds as they tick by. I usually only have time distortion like this when I’m high, not from stress.

“Come on, open,” Steve coaxes, prying my hands away from my face. The anger, disappointment, and hatred I expected never come. His words are soft and a little choked as he pulls my hands away from my face and I crack open one eye enough to see Ethan holding Steve’s hand across the table. His squeeze forces me to realize his other hand has a hold of mine.

“There you go. Look at me, Dani. I heard you, I did, but I want to hear you say it again. Slower. One thing at a time.”

“Uhm, Skylar joined the band and?—”

“Stop. Back up.”

“Right. I fired Rory from the band and the guy we found sucked bad, and we were at the gig. I flipped out at the new kid and when I turned around, I found Skylar standing there in the parking lot.” I take a big swig of my drink, a failing attempt to quench the desert in my mouth. “They were visiting their brother. I didn’t even know their brother lived there! We, uhm, we slept together that night. And the next day, they joined our band because Todd quit.”

“Todd? Terrible name for a bassist. How do you even introduce that?” Steve grumbles before he shifts to that big, cocky grin. “They still play, though? Skylar? That’s great. That’s amazing.”

His hand releases mine, rubbing my back in slow circles. The knuckles on his other hand are white from how hard he’s squeezing Ethan’s fingers. Ethan can take it; he’s a pro hockey player who gets in fights and stuff. I don’t understand the game, but they try to teach me whenever I’m around and the Parrots are playing. I enjoy going to the games, though, especially now that Sam and Chase have a suite with free beer and food.

I risk it and let my eyes wander up to meet Steve’s.

“Seriously, it’s… okay. We’re good, Dani.”

“I never did anything with them before. Like when they were with you. Okay, I mean, I kissed them, but you were there for that and you were the one that dared us, anyhow. I thought they went to Greece! How could I have known? Wait, they said you sent them music?”

I can’t help myself, letting all my thoughts spill out of my mouth as they form in my brain. They’re not rational or fully developed, and I keep hoping I can stop before I say somethingthat will cost me one of my best friends. I give him grief all the time, more than Jamie or Coop, but that’s because Steve means the world to me. He’s my safety net. Jamie plays my dad figure; I disappoint him regularly, and he tries to keep me in line. Coop became my twin brother even though he’s like a billion years older than me, we’re constantly picking at each other, but no one should ever come between us for their own safety. Steve’s the favorite brother, the one I go to with my problems, the one I complain about Xander to, the one who understands me on the deepest and most real level. I can’t lose him. I can’t lose any of them.

“I did. Do. They never respond, but I get notifications when they open the emails. It’s communication in our own way. Same with Xander and Coop.”

The look on his face shifts, and that’s what makes things a little clearer for me. “You…you still send my songs?”

“Every time a new one comes out.” He pats my back. “I get your music first, because you always send it to me first, and I send it immediately to Skylar in the hopes it will push them back to playing, to recovering. What happened between Sky and I…”

“It wasn’t your fault, Stevie,” I whisper, trying to maintain eye contact even when he looks away again.

“Yeah, I get it. I mean, I get it now, but back then I convinced myself I imploded our relationship. Now, well, because of you and your weird voodoo shit, I kind of believe the accident, the breakup, all of it served a purpose.” He glances across the table and smiles as Ethan’s face turns red and he looks away. “It brought me Ethan. It forced me to learn who I am and accept myself, flaws and all. When I reminisce about Skylar and me, I can’t guarantee we’d still be together now.”

He reaches over and smacks the brim of Ethan’s hat, and when he looks back at Steve with those wet, emerald eyes before the tear falls, I almost join him in crying. “I fight for you everyday, Ethan, and I always will. That’s the difference, because I never fought for Sky, not like I could have. I let him walk away because, deep down, I knew after the accident, our relationship had an expiration date. A day where we’d have nothing left to give each other. With you, I’ll never run out of steam, or love, and I’ll sure as fuck never let you go.”

“Gross,” I tease, pushing Steve’s shoulder before he leans across the table, cups Ethan’s face, and plants a big old pornographically hot kiss on him, knocking his hat to the floor. It’s cute to watch, especially since Ethan still hasn’t adjusted to life out of the closet yet. He’s getting there, but he still looks around to see who’s watching when they separate.

“Love you too, Stevie,” Ethan smirks, picking his hat up off the ground.

---